Booyahahahahaha!
by MrDrP
Summary: Kim and Ron decide they've had enough of being unpaid, underappreciated, overworked teen heroes.  Do they retire?  Nope.  Instead, they decide it's time turn over a new leaf ... booyahahahahaha! [COMPLETE]
1. Know Thyself

My thanks to campy for his wicked assistance …

Hank Perkins says: If you saw it on _KP_, Disney owns it.

Leave a review, get a response.

I have two story recommendations for you this week. _Kim Possible: Raiders of the Lost Afikomen_ and _Cursed Rollerblades, Monsters, and a Skinned Knee_, both by Molloy. They're sweet, they're well-written, and they're guaranteed to make you smile.

* * *

_Nobody was ever quite sure how it happened …_

I.

"Hola, Clan Possible!" a jaunty Ron Stoppable said in greeting as he strolled into the kitchen. He was in high spirits, having sloughed off the dark look he'd received from the patriarch of the house the previous evening; James Possible had not been pleased when he saw just how aggressively his daughter and her boyfriend were lip-smacking on the front stoop.

"Good morning, Ron," Ann Possible replied. "Breakfast?"

"Don't mind if I do, Mrs. P," he replied as he slipped an arm around Kim's waist. "And how is my bon-diggity girlfriend this morning?"

"Spankin'," she replied before giving him a kiss. As Kim brushed Ron's lips with her own, her tongue darted out and met his. The intended peck quickly became something more intense.

"Ahem," Mr. Dr. P said, clearing his throat and glowering at the two abashed teens. "You know Ronald, I'm finalizing the designs on a capsule for my new space probe. A lot of people in the scientific community would love to know what happens to a seventeen-year-old male when he crosses the event horizon of a black hole."

Two abashed looks were quickly replaced by two scowls. Mr. Dr. P's black-hole threats had increased in frequency as Kim and Ron became more physically demonstrative of their feelings for one another.

Kim was particularly annoyed by her father's comment. "Dad!" she hissed before turning to her BF. "C'mon, Ron. Let's go."

"But what about your breakfast?" Ann Possible asked.

"Don't worry," Kim answered, sounding put out, as she led Ron out of the kitchen by the hand. "I'll buy us breakfast burritos on the way to school."

"If you keep eating out, you'll never be able to afford that new jacket, Kimmie," her mother advised as the two teens left the house.

"If you keep eating out, you'll never be able to afford that new jacket, Kimmie," the auburn-haired teen hero mimicked. "You'd so think that with their combined incomes a brain surgeon and a rocket scientist could afford to buy their daughter a $200 jacket. I mean, I need that jacket! Everybody knows that blue is the new black!" she groused. "I'd pay for it, but it's not like I have time for babysitting between school and cheerleading and extracurriculars and saving the world."

"I wish I could afford to buy it for you, KP," Ron sighed.

"That's sweet of you, Ron, but I know you're busy, too. Working hard to pull up the grades, being the Mad Dog, saving the world with me, making sure I get my RDA of Ronshine," she said snuggling up to him as they walked down the street, "it all takes time."

"Yeah, and on top of it all, Mom now wants me to clean out the garage. Again," he complained. "I don't know where they get all that stuff. I'm convinced that evil garden gnome is behind this," he added darkly, "and it vexes me so."

II.

There were many things that Kim and Ron liked about being seniors. Their class schedule, however, was not one of them. Kim was taking a number of advanced placement courses, which meant that she and Ron were apart for large parts of the school day. She missed having him in the same room from the beginning of homeroom until the end of the last class. Making matters worse, the way their afternoons were arranged, there were times they were on opposite sides of the building and wouldn't even see each other between sessions.

One of those Ron-less breaks had arrived when Bonnie crossed Kim's path.

"So, how's your loser boy toy, K?" the brunette asked caustically.

"He is not a loser, Bonnie!" Kim growled.

"But you're not denying that he's your boy toy! You know, Kim, you have such pathetic taste. You're a disgrace to the squad. You'd think you could at least date someone on the food chain …"

Kim was about to attempt a riposte when two things occurred to her: she had never bested Bonnie Rockwaller in a verbal joust and she and her high school nemesis were standing in front of a bank of full-sized lockers – and the one next to her was slightly ajar.

A grin began to spread across Kim's face. She opened the door, grabbed Bonnie and roughly shoved the brunette into the storage space.

"Hey! What do you think …" Bonnie began to exclaim, only to be cut off when Kim slammed the door shut on her.

"Stuff it, Bonnie," the redhead said pleasantly before walking away, ignoring the sound of her fellow cheer squad member banging frantically on the metal door.

Much to Kim's surprise, she found the whole experience quite refreshing.

III.

Ron, meanwhile, was walking down the corridor when he happened across the conversation; it was coming from around the corner.

"I'm telling you, she's a psycho crazy chick …" somebody said.

Ron didn't like hearing guys talk about a girl that way.

"Yeah, I mean, she gets her kicks out of beating down guys," someone else agreed.

"Except for Stoppable!" a third person noted. "Man, who'd have thought he could handle a nut job like Possible!"

"If she's with him, she really must be some kind of freak," the first voice observed.

Ron seethed as the group broke out into raucous laughter. Then he made a left turn and approached the source of the objectionable remarks: a group of rather large football players.

"Hi guys!" Ron said cheerily.

"Uh, hi Stoppable," one of them said, mildly unnerved by the look on his face.

"Ya know, KP's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I do _no_t like it when people say bad things about her," he said before he spun and slammed the first of the jocks against a locker with enough force to stun the defensive lineman. Then Ron turned and took down the second one with a kick that only a student of monkey kung fu would know. The third jock, the one who had called Kim a psycho crazy chick, was dumbfounded when Ron, finishing his kick, lashed out with a quick one-two punch combination and knocked him out.

Ron surveyed his handiwork. In a matter of seconds, he had just beaten up three of the largest students at Middleton High.

Much to Ron's surprise, he found the whole experience quite refreshing.

IV.

Neither Kim nor Ron was in the mood for class after their little dust-ups, preoccupied as they were with other thoughts.

Kim was worried about how Ron would react when he learned of what she'd done to Bonnie – and how good it made her feel. Kim Possible had always been about helping people; she wasn't supposed to hurt them. Kim was supposed to be better than Bonnie, not stoop so low as to make Bonnie look like a saint. Yet, the teen hero had pushed her fellow cheerleader into that locker and derived immense satisfaction from the act. Kim told herself that Bonnie so deserved it. _Rockwaller called Ron, my Ron, a loser! What right did Bonnie have to say things like that?_ Kim wondered as she wandered the halls, hoping she'd be able to sort out her feelings and come up with an explanation before she found Ron. _Somehow_, she thought, _telling Ron that I've learned that it was such the blast to pack Bon-Bon into that locker just isn't going to wash …_

Ron was concerned that Kim would disapprove when she heard how he beat up three football players. He'd been pummeled by the D Hall guys all those years and called them bullies. Yet what was Ron now, if not a bully? Sure, they'd crossed a line – way crossed a line – with their comments about Kim, his Kim! _Who did they think they were, saying things like that about the coolest girl in Middleton?_ Ron asked himself. Still, he was uneasy. _How_, he wondered, _am I going to tell Kim that I just figured out how to use monkey kung fu to pound some meatheads, and that it was pretty badical?_

They were both furtively walking the corridors, wondering how to explain their actions to each other, when they collided.

Each was taken aback by the guilty look on the other's face.

Kim decided to speak first.

"Bonnie dissed you and called you a loser and I so wasn't cool with that you are so NOT a loser so I stuffed her in a locker," she said at a staccato pace. "And, and I enjoyed it," she added softly, waiting for Ron to tell her he was disgusted with her and wanted nothing to do with her ever again.

She was taken by surprise when Ron said, "Uh, yeah, well look, KP, there were some guys in B Hall saying some not-nice things about you and I really didn't like that so, uh, well, I went all ninja on them."

"Ninja?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said sheepishly. "I played smack monkey with them. And, uh, it was, uh, actually kind of, uh, well, badical." Locking Bonnie in a locker was kind of cool, he thought, especially since Kim had done it for him, but using martial arts on three untrained opponents was so against everything Kim stood for. Ron braced for the inevitable. Kim would surely call him a thug and dump him.

"You did that because they insulted me?" she asked.

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't have lost my temper …" Ron answered.

"That is so ferociously sweet!" she cooed.

"Really?" Ron replied, nonplussed. He was sure he'd blown his relationship with Kim, but instead, she … nodded and flashed an electric smile at him.

"Well, it's not as sweet as what you did, KP," he said with a huge grin. "You really are one bon-diggity girlfriend!"

Kim and Ron stood there in the empty hallway and smiled, very wickedly, at one another.

"Badical!" "Spankin'!" they said in unison after which Kim threw her arms around Ron's neck, pressed him against a locker and began to kiss him. He responded with gusto, letting his hands roam, which only egged Kim on. This went on for a few minutes, and only ended when the two teens needed to come up for air.

"Boo. Yah," a very satisfied Ron said, much to the pleasure of his girlfriend, just before he spied the approaching figure of Steve Barkin.

"No PDA in the hallways!" their teacher barked.

Kim reluctantly broke her embrace of Ron, but still managed to stay close to him.

"Stoppable!" Barkin roared. "I just saw your handiwork in B Hall. And Possible, we just found Ms. Rockwaller."

"It's so not the drama, Mr. Barkin," Kim said reasonably. "She had it coming to her."

"Yeah, and those guys were completely out of line, Mr. B," Ron added.

Barkin was stunned. Possible was one of the school's best students, she was a leader, a role model. And while Stoppable had looked at him funny back in the ninth grade, the young man had been improving his grades. "I don't know what's gotten into the two of you, but as of right now, you've got in-school suspension, followed by detention, for the next three days …"

Kim and Ron frowned.

"… And don't tell me that cheerleaders don't do detention, Possible, since you're off the squad. You too, Stoppable. Now get yourselves to the detention room. NOW!"

Kim and Ron, fuming, made their way to their on-site prison.

"This tanks, KP," Ron said as he dropped into a chair. "You save the world over and over again. You think they'd cut you some slack."

"First of all, Ron _we_ save the world; I couldn't do it without you," she countered as she took a seat beside him. "But you've got a point," she said disgustedly. "You know, we've never asked for money or a parade or anything. And they've never offered anything, ever …"

"Well, Smarty Mart did give you that hundred-dollar gift certificate …" Ron observed before he was cut off by his girlfriend.

"And how much do you think Team Impossible would have been paid for the same work? They just assume we'll show up and solve all their problems for them," she said grumpily.

"Yeah, you're right. The least they could do is give you that Club Banana jacket," Ron said. "And give us a pass from detention."

Kim looked around the room. It was just the two of them. She got up, sat in Ron's lap, and began to kiss him rather hungrily.

Steve Barkin entered the room and saw Kim and Ron were occupied.

"Okay! That's enough! This isn't Lover's Lane," Barkin snapped. "Stoppable, you sit over there," the teacher instructed, pointing to one side of the room, "Possible, you sit over there," he added, indicating a chair on the opposite side.

Kim seethed. She hadn't believed Ron when he'd first shared his suspicion that their teacher had borne a grudge against him since the ninth grade, simply because of the way Ron had looked at him. But Barkin had confirmed that belief during their junior year. Kim was now convinced that her boyfriend was in detention because of Barkin's irrational attitude. _Maybe I deserve to be here_, she thought, _I did hit Bonnie, after all. But if those football players were saying those things about me, who else were they talking about? And how many times did they make fun of Ron? Those fat-headed jerks had it coming to them. Ron so doesn't belong in here._

Ron was furious. He couldn't believe Kim was in detention. Sure, he belonged here. He had assaulted three students, after all. But Bonnie? _All KP did was put Bon-Bon in a locker. Heck, Kim probably saved some unsuspecting frosh from some insults_, he told himself. _Kim was only doing what the administrators should have done a long time ago – take Bonnie down a peg or two. They're probably playing favorites, can't handle the fact that KP can do so many things they'll never be able to do. She doesn't belong in here._

Reluctantly, Kim and Ron rose from their seats. Then, they exchanged glances in the way that only two people who had known each other as long as they had could. Words did not need to be spoken. Kim nodded, as if saying, I'm going to act, and Ron replied in kind, telling her he had her back.

Ron approached his teacher, assumed his drunken-crane stance and began to make some very distracting noises, which caught Mr. Barkin off guard. Next, rather than sit down in her newly assigned seat, Kim executed a perfect triple hand spring, landing behind the teacher and surprising him. As Kim landed, Ron came out of his pose, spun on his left foot and drove his right into Mr. Barkin's gut, staggering the former military man. Ron followed that up by grabbing the man's arm, spinning him around and flipping him, hard, onto the floor.

Before leaving, Ron knelt down and snarled into a stunned Steve Barkin's face, "Who's 'small and weak' now, tough guy?"

V.

Kim and Ron quickly departed the school grounds, racing off on Ron's rocket-powered scooter. They retreated to the tree house, but only after hiding the bike in some nearby shrubs.

They clambered up the ladder into their aerie and immediately began making out.

"That sure beats Miss Whisp's trig class, KP," a goofily grinning Ron said.

"So glad to hear it, Ronnie," Kim said seductively as she pushed him down on the old sofa. She climbed on top of him and sighed contentedly as he ran his fingers through her hair.

"So, uh, KP, what's next?" he wondered.

"What do you mean, Ron?" she asked.

"Well, let's see," he observed. "Football players. Bonnie. And now Barkin. We kinda lost it back there."

"Yeah, we did," Kim agreed, reddening. She knew they weren't supposed to do that kind of thing. They were the good guys, teen heroes, the ones who saved the world. Yet it had felt so … satisfying. "You know, Ron, that _was_ one spankin' move back there in detention," she said, beaming with pride.

"Ya think?" Ron asked, pleased by his girlfriend's praise.

"Take it from someone who knows sixteen kinds of kung fu. You rocked," she said, cupping his face. "Now shut up and kiss me."

Ron happily complied.

"Okay, here's the sitch," Kim said afterwards. "We're so busted. We can turn ourselves in, get long suspensions, possibly be expelled. If anyone files charges, I think we can kiss college goodbye …"

Ron frowned.

"… As far as the world-saving business is concerned, GJ won't hire us," Kim continued, "though I'm sure they'd be happy to stay out of our way while we do their job for them. And I'm sure Team Impossible will get a hold of this and smear our reputations, so the hero-for-hire gig isn't looking very viable."

"So if we want to help people we get to be uneducated, unpaid, and overworked?" Ron asked, unable to hide the note of incredulity from his voice. That just seemed wrong. Unlike what he'd done to Barkin and the football players, which actually seemed surprisingly, yet perfectly, natural.

"That's pretty much it. Plus we'll probably both be grounded until we die," Kim said, before the wicked grin returned to her face. "Of course, we could start thinking of ourselves and have some fun."

"Fun?" Ron asked, intrigued. He very much liked this previously unseen side of Kim's personality.

"That's right. Fun," she purred. "Ron, the world owes us, big time. It's time to collect. And I wouldn't mind settling a few scores." Kim was now reveling in how good it felt to stuff Bonnie into that locker. She could only imagine the rush she'd get from taking down Shego.

"KP, just what are you suggesting?" Ron asked.

"Well, Bad Boy, we've already got a tree lair," she suggested in a seductive voice, hoping Ron would come around on his own.

"Tree lair," Ron mused. "Hey, I like that. So, what, you're suggesting we go bad?"

"Well," Kim said as she brought her lips to his, "Let's just say I think it's time for us to turn over a new leaf …"

_TBC ..._

* * *

A/N: This story originally appeared in very short form on devART. I've decided to expand what was there. We'll just have to see where this goes … 

Visit Kim and Ron Gone Bad at my devART webpage; just follow the link from my author profile.


	2. Shopping Sprees

Thanks to Kemiztri, Yuri Sisteble, Louis Mielke, calamite, CajunBear73, conan98002, Yankee Bard, Gamma Jack Plasimus, spectre666, charizardag, Taechunsa, t-price, Jason Barnett, jasminevr, whitem, campy, Visigoth29527, peacekeeperchuck, Molloy, Firkekp1, fieryfalcon, surforst, swiglo3000, DarkJackel, 3VAD127, acosta perez jose ramiro, Bubbahotek, Thorius Maximus, calcgirl, NahtanoJ88, Ezbok58a, momike, CardCrazy, Zaratan, Darkcloud1, Ace Ian Combat, TexasDad, Acaykath, Deyinel, Brother to Vorlons, mattb3671, Morsamare, Lonestarr for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As always, thanks to campy for his evil assistance.

Leave a review, get a response.

You saw it on _KP_, Disney owns it. Or so says Hank Perkins.

* * *

Two recommendations for you this week: yvj's _Middlewood_ and campy's _The Mad Dog Picnic_. yvj begins a real, live, good old fashioned Western while campy delivers another essential installment in his Essential Ronness series. Both authors deliver the goods. Enjoy!

I've rewritten and reposted _What Happens in Vegas_. It's now called _Fear and Nacos in Las Vegas_. Check it out and leave a review, ya dig? I'd be grateful – I might even send you a naco, a-ring-a-ding-ding.

* * *

I. 

Kim and Ron knew they would have to begin covering their tracks. Having Wade Load be able to pinpoint their location anywhere on Earth would just not do. That meant the Kimmunicator would have to be deactivated, at least until they figured out how to modify it. After they had addressed that problem, Kim brought up the touchy subject of Ron's tracking chip.

To say Ron was not pleased when Kim confirmed his suspicion that Wade had implanted one in his neck would be an epic understatement. And he was furious when Kim revealed that she had known about the chip for at least a year.

"You knew about it and never told me?" he practically screamed.

"Well, I know it was ferociously unethical, but, well, I worried about you," she said apologetically, wringing her hands.

Ron glared at her, his narrowed eyes demanding an explanation.

"Well, even before I realized that I liked liked you, I couldn't bear the idea of losing you. You've always been my best friend," Kim said as she wrapped her arms around him. "Remember when you went after Drakken for me that Christmas?"

"Yeah …" he said, recalling what had to be the strangest Yuletide ever.

"Ron," she confessed, "I was standing in a South American swamp crying because I couldn't find you. I felt lost without you. I need you. You're the only one who really understands me. I'm sorry about the chip. Please forgive me."

As annoyed as he was, Ron found his heart melting. Kim was both girlfriend and best friend; she meant the world to him and he just couldn't stay angry with her, though he'd have to find some way to address his ire. It was then that he realized he could just take out his frustrations on someone – or something – else. Blowing up something – he suspected that would feel good.

"S'kay, Kim," he said, stroking her hair, before observing, "You know I can't stay mad at you."

"Thanks, Ron," she murmured as she nuzzled his neck.

"Hey," he exclaimed, startling her. "I assume you've got one, too."

"What?" she asked, surprised.

"'Sha! You don't think Wade would microchip me and not you, do you?" Ron observed. "Didn't you once mention that he liked to read your diary and hack your bank account? I think he'd be all about tracking you."

"Why that little …" she growled. "He is so busted!"

Kim's pique made Ron feel better about the whole sitch – turnabout could indeed be fair play. Once they had both finished fulminating over Wade's sneakiness, they figured out how to disable the devices (Kim's genetics did rock, and Ron's inner evil genius was already beginning to reemerge), they turned to a more sensitive topic: Rufus.

"He's my best little buddy, KP."

"I know, Ron. But we have to be absolutely sure he's okay with this, otherwise, he could be such the complication."

"Yeah, I know. But something tells me I know his price …"

II.

Kim and Ron had slipped into Ron's bedroom with three goals in mind: retrieve all of his mission gear, get some clothes and mementoes, and suborn Rufus.

The naked mole rat was sitting at Ron's computer, happily asserting his dominance in the world of Everlot.

"Rufus, we need to talk," Ron said.

The little guy turned around and saw his human and his human's mate looking at him. Ron was wearing his serious face. The naked mole rat knew that usually wasn't a good sign.

"Kim and I have learned something about ourselves, little buddy," Ron explained.

Rufus was suddenly on edge. He hoped he wasn't going to learn that they had stopped liking each other, or even worse, that they'd started to like other people. While surfing on line, he'd come across some particularly weird ideas, like Ron and Shego and Ron and Bonnie. Bleh! Then there was the absolutely vile speculation about KIGO. Double bleh! And the stuff about Rokken. Triple bleh!

"Rufus," Kim said kneeling by his side and scratching him on the back of his head. "Ron and I have decided that we need to cut loose. Have some fun. Be, well …"

"We're going to the dark side, buddy, and want you to come with us," Ron said, cutting to the chase.

Rufus blinked a couple of times. He scampered up onto Kim's shoulder and pushed back her hair. No chips. The same, he learned, was true of Ron.

He was thoroughly confused, though relieved his humans were still together.

"Rufus," Kim cooed. "Has anyone other than us ever said 'thank you' to the world's bravest little mole rat?"

"Nuh uh."

"Cared that you've risked your life to save the world?"

Rufus thought about that. Rather than thank him, most people just cringed when they saw him.

"Nuh uh."

"Well, that's just not right, is it?"

"Nuh uh."

"So we want you to join us. Have a little fun," Ron said.

Rufus knew this was all incredibly wrong. Unethical. He should call Doctor Director or Wade immediately and try to get his humans some help. He pondered the situation.

"You know, Rufus, if we don't play by the rules anymore, we can get you cheese, as much as you want, any kind, anytime, anywhere. No more worrying about whether we can afford it, 'cuz we're just gonna take it. Think about it," Ron said, extending his hand as if highlighting a grand vista. "Cheese on demand!"

The mole rat's eyes lit up. "Cheese!"

Rufus, seduced by the prospect of limitless supplies of his favorite food, had been bought.

III.

The next stop was Kim's house.

Nobody was home when they slipped into her bedroom. As they had at Ron's, they gathered up mission clothes and some mementoes. There was no way Kim was going to embark on this new course without Pandaroo, after all.

Kim looked at the clothes in her closet.

"Ron, do you think I'm hot?" she asked.

"What?" he asked, unsure that he heard Kim right.

"You heard me," she said. "Do you think I'm hot?"

"Why don't you ask if I like nacos or if Rufus wants cheese?" he retorted. "You're not just hot, KP, you're a walking inferno," he added, coming up from behind and wrapping his arms around her. "Why do you ask?"

"I'm thinking I might need to make some changes to my wardrobe," she answered. "Something that makes a statement. Maybe some miniskirts and halters like Bonnie wears …" Kim turned to see Ron leering; she grinned. "Okay, make that a def on the miniskirts and halters! And I so want that jacket. You up for a little shopping trip to Club Banana?"

"Old school shopping or new, Kimila?" Ron asked.

"New, Ron. Paying is so …" she said.

"Last season?" he suggested.

"Exactly," she agreed. "And I am so not last season."

IV.

Kim and Ron made their way along the HVAC system of the Middleton Mall. There really was no reason to go through the front door and have to mix and mingle with the crowds when it would be so much easier to just drop in on Kim's favorite clothing store.

Ron had readily agreed to Kim's plan. While he didn't think she needed new clothes to look sexy, he wanted her to have the coat. That, and crawling behind her through a ventilation shaft gave him the opportunity to enjoy one of his favorite views.

When they reached Club Banana, Ron summoned Rufus and told him he was on. The naked mole rat scampered over to the grate and removed the screws. Kim gently lifted away the cover, and turned back to Ron. "Ready?" she said as she adjusted her spectrographic sunglasses.

"Ready for anything, KP!" Ron said, tapping his own night-vision goggles.

Kim blew Ron an air kiss, then peered back down the opening. She reached to her utility belt, removed a small object, and tossed it down into the store. It hit the floor and immediately exploded, filling the shop with smoke.

"We're on!" Kim said as she dropped down, landing in a perfect crouch. Ron followed suit and sprawled on the floor, grateful not to have lost his pants. That would not have helped his new bad-boy rep one bit.

Kim and Ron surveyed the smoke-filled store, their hi-tech eyewear enabling them to see everything. The two teens moved quickly, grabbing the items Kim wanted. She loaded Ron up with all sorts of fashions, then quickly made her way behind the register, which she opened and began to empty.

"K-Kim?" a stunned voice sputtered.

"Hi Mon," the former teen hero said cheerily.

"Girlfriend, d-d you, you know what you're doing?" a stunned Monique asked, not sure what to do. "You are gonna be SITWTL!"

"English, please and thank you," Kim replied. "I'm in a hurry."

"So in trouble with the law …" Monique stammered. Part of her mind told her to hit the panic button, but she was too stunned to do so as she was overwhelmed by cognitive dissonance. "K-Kim, tell me you're not really robbing us and that this is some sort of teen hero training exercise. 'Cause if you are robbing us, girl, you are going to be so busted …"

"It's so not the drama, Mon!" Kim said as she shot her grappling hook at the vent opening. "See ya!"

A shocked Monique finally called security. She only learned later on that what had seemed to go on for hours had taken less than six minutes.

V.

Ron was roaring down the street, straining to control his overloaded scooter.

"KP," he called back to the redhead sitting behind him. "This isn't gonna work."

Kim was surprised by Ron's observation. She had thought things were spankin'. They'd been in and out of Club Banana with no trouble, she had her clothes, cash, and some special surprises for Ron, and was enjoying having her arms wrapped tight around his middle. She hoped he wasn't regretting their decision. Nervously, she asked, "What do you mean, Ron?"

"This thing is a piece of junk," he said much to Kim's relief. He explained that he was tired of driving his old scooter, even if it was equipped with rockets.

"I've got an idea …" she said.

"Coolio!" Ron enthused after Kim explained to him what she had in mind.

VI.

After Kim and Ron stowed the bike, along with Kim's new wardrobe, they performed surveillance on their target and determined that it was safe to proceed.

They stealthily made their way in; Kim was especially proud of Ron. His fieldwork skills really had been improving in recent months, which really wasn't too surprising – Ron, after all, was benefiting from a combination of Ninja training and a desire to impress his bon-diggity girlfriend.

It wasn't long before they reached their destination. As they prepared to enter, they exchanged wicked grins, knowing they were about to enjoy themselves tremendously.

Kim and Ron stood in the door, waiting for their host to realize he had visitors. When he did, he turned to see two smirking members of Team Possible standing before him.

"Kim Possible!" he exclaimed.

"And …" Ron said, encouraging an answer.

"I forget your name," Drakken said.

"So not the right answer," Kim growled. She was tired of people dissing Ron. Her immediate reaction was to look around to see if there was a locker into which she could stuff Drakken.

The look on Kim's face unnerved the blue-skinned scientist. He knew that she and the buffoon were now an item; her expression convinced him he would be wise to remember the name, and fast. Desperately, Drakken tried to remember the sidekick's name. Finally, with great relief, he sputtered, "It's R-r-ron … Stoppable! Ron Stoppable!"

"Hey, not bad, Blue Boy!" Ron said.

"Blue Boy? Didn't your mother ever tell you not to call people names? You can hurt with your words, you know!" Drakken said without thinking.

"Hypocritical much?" Kim asked. "This is from the guy who's been calling Ron 'buffoon' for how long?"

"That's different," Drakken replied weakly.

"How?" Ron asked.

"I can't explain it to you. You're not brilliant enough to understand."

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"Whatever," Ron said, growing bored with the inane wordplay.

"You're giving up?" a surprised Drakken asked.

"Yep. We've got things to do, places to go," Ron said cavalierly.

"Well, then. Why are you here? Whatever it is, I don't have it!" Drakken protested petulantly. "Dementor has the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer. Monkey Fist has the Golden Monkey. Killigan has the Haggisonator"

"Haggisonator? I so do not want to know what that is," Kim observed.

"Tell me about it, KP," Ron groused, making a face. Just thinking about the time he ate some of the Scottish 'delicacy' at Castle Killigan was making him queasy.

Looking smugly at her host, Kim advised, "Actually, Drakken, you do have something we want …"

"Look, I spent the $99 million, okay?" he said defensively.

"Ya know, dude, I wasn't even thinking about that. But now that you mention it …" Ron said as he moved towards Drakken, cracking his knuckles.

"Ron, head in the game," Kim warned.

"Aww, c'mon, KP!"

"Maybe later," she said sweetly as she gently laid her hand on her boyfriend's shoulder.

Drakken didn't like the idea of 'later.' "Maybe we can do a deal?"

"You mean you give us what we want, no questions asked?" Kim suggested, her eyebrow cocked, her hands now on her hips, the embodiment of sassiness.

The blue-skinned scientist looked back and forth between Kim and Ron. He'd never seen expressions like that before. "Yes, yes, that will work!" he agreed nervously.

"Badical!" Ron exclaimed, as he ran to the hovercar.

"No! Not that! Exception! I call exception! You can't have it," Drakken protested.

"Why?" Kim asked, an edge to her voice.

"I, uh, haven't finished paying for it …"

"And you last paid for something, when?" Kim said sarcastically to Drakken as she joined her boyfriend. "Will this do, Ron?"

"Oh, yeah," he said as he admired the vehicle. "Flying cars hurricane rock!" Pointing to the port side, he added, "We can retrofit a ray gun here."

"I'm liking the nice wide bench seat," Kim purred.

"Really? I think buckets would have been cooler," Ron replied.

"It's much harder to smack lips sitting in bucket seats … Ronnie," Kim said invitingly.

He leered at her. "I like the way you think, KP."

"See? Sometimes I really do know best," she said sweetly before wrapping her arms around Ron's neck and pressing herself against him.

"Kimberly Ann! Does your father know …" Drakken realized too late that he'd pressed a button.

"So none of his business … or yours," she snapped. "Ron?"

"I'm with you, KP."

Drakken quickly found himself in a headlock. Kim gave her longtime foe a vicious noogie while Ron, showing no mercy, gave him a wedgie for the ages.

After the former heroes had their fun, they decided to take a quick look around the lair, finding some things worth taking. They tossed their loot into the hovercar, then went back to Drakken, who, shocked, was hiding behind a console.

"Say it," Kim ordered.

"Must I?" Drakken whimpered in a falsetto voice.

"Please and thank you," she answered, somehow investing those four simple words with menace.

"Kim Possible," he squeaked. "You think you're all that. And you are."

Kim dropped to one knee and patted Drakken on the head. "Good mad scientist."

"_Hasta la _Visa, Blue Boy!" Ron called out with a wave as his girlfriend climbed into the hovercar. "We'll try to be responsible with your credit cards," Ron added, flashing plastic. "Not!"

After emerging from the hangar, Ron set a course away from Drakken's lair.

"KP, you are a genius," Ron said. "This really is one funky fresh flying car!"

"It is spankin'," she agreed as she sat on her boyfriend's lap. "And we got to mug Drakken, too. That so rocked!"

"So what do you want to do next?" Ron asked, grateful for the autopilot, which allowed him to ogle Kim.

"Make out. I am so tired of Dad's threatening you with black holes just because I want to kiss you. If I want to kiss you, then I'm going to kiss you." Just to prove her point, Kim laid a passionate kiss on Ron.

"Wow. That was badical, KP!" he said breathily a few minutes later. "Now what?"

"Who said we're done, Bad Boy?" Kim replied with a leer that met with Ron's approval.

After some more lip-smacking, Ron asked whether Kim had any other ideas for the rest of the evening, or whether she intended for them to just make out, not that he had any objection to doing just that.

A truly wicked grin spread over the former teen hero's face. "You know, Ron," she said as she played with one of his ears, "I think I'd like a Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer ... you never know when one might come in handy ..."

As they headed off to their destination, Ron decided to buzz Middleton's main thoroughfare.

Many people swore that a maniacal "Booyahahahahaha!" could be heard coming from the vehicle as it skimmed car roof tops and sent pedestrians ducking for cover.

Little did those observers know that for Kim and Ron, the fun was just beginning ...

_TBC …_


	3. My Precious

Could it be true?

Yup. After two months, Evil Team Possible is back to rock your world!

Thanks to campy, conan98002, Yuri Sisteble, calamite, Louis Mielke, whitem, JMAN2.0, Whisper from the Shadows, ShadowKP1, AtomicFire, daywalkr82, Acosta perez jose Ramiro, kemiztri, molloy, peacekeeperchuck, CajunBear73, Commander Argus, roycereece, DarkJackel, surforst, Deyinel, Visigoth29527, Ezbok58a, johnrie18, Ace Ian Combat, momike, Bubbahotek, TexasDad, Zaratan, jasminevr, mattb3671, zeerak, MichaelCross, The Mad shoe1, and mooneasterbunny for reading and reviewing and to everyone for reading.

As always, thanks to campy for his proof and beta help.

KP and Company belong to Disney

* * *

I. 

"I think I liked the mock Greek one better. It had a certain classic quality. Of course, there was the Bavarian redoubt. And while the giant wiener dogs were sick and wrong …"

"Ronnie," Kim purred. "Focus."

Ron grinned. "No problemo, Kimbo. I'm ready for anything."

Kim arched an eyebrow. "I bet you are," she said before playfully swatting her partner on his rump.

"Ooo. KP, you really are a bad girl!"

"A bad girl who wants a Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer," she replied. "And don't you forget it."

Kim and Ron were lying prone on the ground, performing reconnaissance of Dementor's latest lair, a Bauhaus-style monstrosity incongruously situated on an idyllic island in the Caribbean. After their visit to Drakken, the two teen former-heroes had confirmed that the PDVI had indeed been stolen yet again. If Kim had her way, there would be no further thefts, since the device would not be returned to its security-challenged owners but would remain in her possession.

"We can enter over there," Kim said, pointing to a spot on the left side of the perimeter. "See the ventilation duct?"

"Sure do, KP."

Satisfied that it was safe to move in, Kim declared in her familiar mission-mode voice, "Then let's do it."

She got up and, running in a crouch, made her way to the ingress. Ron, with Rufus in his pocket, followed.

Once they reached the edge of Dementor's defenses, Ron, who had modified the Kimmunicator during their surveillance, began using it to exploit some weaknesses in the vertically-challenged villain's security system so they could enter the lair without being detected.

"Ya know, KP, this is pretty cool," Ron observed as he worked.

"How so?" Kim asked, impressed with her BFBF's dexterity and overall handiness with tools. She'd only seen him like this once before, and that was after he'd been hit with the Attitudinator.

"I'm beating a Wade-level encryption system without the Wadester's help. It's like I'm smart or something!"

"Why do you think I called you Potential Boy?" she purred.

"Because of that thing I can do that makes you think about when we might …"

Kim actually blushed. "Ooo. I hope you'll do that later," she said huskily, before changing gears. "Ron, I called you Potential Boy because you could have done so much better in school if you'd cared about your grades sooner."

"Yeah, I know, KP," he said, sounding a little deflated. "I hope you were proud of my last report card, though."

"Ferociously proud," she replied, giving him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, KP," Ron said, his effervescence returning. "You know, the irony is killing me."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, now that we've gone bad, I think I'm able to maintain Justine Flanner-level gradage. Too bad we pretty much self-expelled ourselves from school."

"Do you regret what we did?" Kim asked, a look of concern on her face.

Ron looked surprised. "Wha? No, no, not at all, KP. Just would have been nice to get some recognition for my badical brainage, that's all."

"You know, Ronnie," Kim said seductively. "I think I can take care of that …"

Ron's face lit up.

"… but not until after we complete our mission."

"Fair 'nuff, Kimila," Ron agreed before announcing, "And _voila,_ one foiled security system for my badical girlfriend!"

"Spankin'!" Kim said. "I'd give you a gold star, but I don't have any. Hope this will do," she said before leaning in to give Ron another peck on the cheek.

"KP, positive reinforcement will always do!"

II.

"Zo! I was right. The teen hero iz a hero thief!" Dementor said smugly.

"Whatever," Kim said with a roll of the eyes. "You have something I want."

"You cannot have zee Transportulator! It iz mine. I even haff ze patents to prove it!"

"Actually, Dementor," Kim said. "We didn't come for that …"

"But we'll take it as long as we're here," Ron said, earning a curious look from Kim, who was wholly focused on retrieving the PDVI; she already had a use for the device in mind, though she'd not yet discussed her plan with Ron. "KP, think about it. You need clothes at Club Banana. Zim. Zam. We're in, we're out. I want some snackage from Bueno Nacho? I'm there. Then I'm not."

"Sounds good to me," Kim said. "We've only used it with landlines, though. Think it'll work with our cell phones?"

"I can't see why not," Ron thought aloud. "Though the roaming charges may be high in rural areas."

"Are you two done with zee banter?" Dementor asked. "If you didn't come to steal the Transportulator, vhat iz it zat you vhant?

Ron, his attention caught by something, pursed his lip. Then he squinted at Dementor as if something about the mad scientist had changed. "Dude, is your accent getting worse?"

"I am very proud of my accent," the pint-sized villain said huffily. "All ze best villains have zem."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Drakken doesn't have one."

"Pfeh," Dementor replied with contempt. "Drakken is a disgrace to ze evil community."

"Hey, you've got a point," Ron said before turning to his partner and girlfriend. "KP, can we …"

"No," she said sternly. "Theme song, yes. Accents, so not happening."

"Awwww, man."

"Ron…." she said with a tone.

"Okay," he pouted. "But accents would have been so cool."

"I'll make it up to you," she said saucily as she caressed his ear.

"Vait!" Dementor exclaimed. "It iz true zen, you two are dating!"

"Hel-looo!" Ron said. "What lair have you been hiding in? Beautiful teen hero and goofy sidekick fall in love. It's the feel-good story of the year. Everybody's talking about it. Did you know that we've been on Oprah?"

"You are ze most feared anti-evil-doer in ze world," Dementor said to Kim. "You could have anybody and you choose to date him? Acch! Vhat are you thinking?"

Kim's eyes narrowed. "Do not diss the BF," she said moving in on the diminutive villain. "I am so not cool with that."

Dementor quailed as Kim's unnervingly menacing gaze bore into him. "Ah, yes, yes. You two make a very cute couple."

"Much better," Kim said coolly. "Now, we'll take the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, please and thank you."

"And the Transportulator," Ron added. "Ooo. And the red flashlight you shine up under your chin. It would be so cool to have one of those," Ron enthused, remembering the one he'd used when he was in his bad-boy phase. That had been a garden-variety flashlight; he was sure that Dementor must have gotten his from Jack Hench, which meant the torch would be tricked out with all sorts of neat gadgets and features.

Dementor looked at his visitors. Despite his earlier declaration, he was having trouble believing that Kim Possible and her sidekick had actually come to steal from him. But there stood Kim, holding her backpack open, clearly expecting the height-deprived mad-scientist to retrieve and hand over the items she and her boyfriend had demanded.

Dementor had had enough.

"Loyal henchmen, ATTACK!" he shrieked.

Kim and Ron dropped into defensive positions. And waited.

Dementor looked around, wondering about the whereabouts of his gray-clad, helmeted, molecular-muscle-enhancer-ring-wearing help.

"Aach!" he said as he slapped his forehead, remembering that he had given the boys the night off; they had said something about cosmic bowling.

The pint-sized villain sighed. He was on his own, without even his giant dachshunds. The grande-sized canines, who couldn't abide the tropical heat, were back in the German Alps. Seeing no alternative, and sensing Kim's growing impatience, he retrieved the things the hero-thieves wanted.

III.

Kim was transfixed by the PDVI. Ron imagined that the expression of total absorption on his GF's face was similar to the one he wore when he was first exposed to cable TV. He now understood why she'd been so concerned at the time.

"Okay, KP," Ron said as he piloted the flying car. "What gives with the vortex thingie?"

Much to Ron's surprise, and mild annoyance, Kim didn't respond. Instead, she continued to gaze raptly at the cylindrical device. The last time he'd seen that look, Kim was crushing on Josh Mankey. He was concerned, to say the least.

"Yo, Earth to Kim. Anyone home? Helllooooo!"

Kim looked up, startled. "You say something, Ronnie?"

"Yeah, what gives, KP? You're acting funny, like that weird bald guy with the ring in that fantasy book."

Kim's expression was at first sheepish, but that was soon eclipsed by a look of pure, unadulterated desire. "Ron, there's something I can do. Something I can get. Something I've never even dared dream of …"

Ron wondered if Kim was going to suggest they do something they'd never done before. That actually made him nervous. He knew how he felt about her and he was pretty sure she felt the same way about him. And he really wanted to do it; heck, he was a healthy teen-aged male, after all. But even though he'd turned to the dark side, and he and Kim had already pushed some boundaries, he wasn't ready to cross that final line. Still, if Kim really, really wanted it, he'd consent. He wanted her to be happy.

"… I can have a Flamingoat. And a Pandaroo Super Star Edition. And, and …" she huffed as she began to hyperventilate.

"Whoa, KP, take it easy, take a deep breath," Ron advised, relieved that Kim, at least for now, wasn't suggesting they go all the way.

Kim nodded, then drew on her martial arts training; she soon brought her breathing under control.

"Ron," she finally said, "back in 1993, Cuddleco, _the_ official maker of Cuddle Buddies, was making a decision on its new product line. That was the year they came out with Pandaroo, you know …"

Ron couldn't help but grin as he saw a girlish smile spread over Kim's features. He liked it when his tough, über-competent BFGF let her inner child emerge.

"… Anyway," she continued animatedly, "before they settled on Pandaroo, they made a prototype for another character, a character that never went into production: the Beagleroo. There were drawings, which I've seen on-line; he was ferociously cute. But for some reason no one ever figured out, none were ever produced."

"Okay …" Ron said, wondering where this was going. Kim had piqued his curiosity – and he was both amused and impressed by just how excited she appeared to be.

"Ron," she said, her eyes now as wide as saucers, a hint of awe in her voice, "according to some of the Cuddle Buddy chat forums _an actual prototype_ wasmade. And here's the exciting part: supposedly, Beagleroo is going to be unveiled at the Cuddle Con by a still-anonymous collector, though I'm guessing it's Mr. Paisley."

"The dude from your first big-time mission?"

"_Our _first big-time mission. You convinced me to go, remember?"

"Couldn't forget, KP," Ron said as he fondly remembered the events that unfolded in the big house in Upperton. "So that's why you were so psyched about going to the Cuddlepalooza this weekend?"

"Exactly," she said. "But don't you get it?"

"Get what? You want to go see this Beagleroo Cuddle Buddy this weekend. That's cool by me," Ron replied. "Can't keep my KP away from her plush buds."

"You really are sweet, you know that, Ron?" Kim cooed, knowing that Ron's interest in Cuddle Buddies was on a par with her interest in video games. "But I'm so done with just looking. I'm into having. And with this," Kim said holding the PDVI aloft, "they'll have to give me not only a Flamingoat and a Pandaroo Super Star Edition, but the Beagleroo, or I'll send all of their Cuddle Buddies into a vortex of doom! Hahahahaha!"

As Kim laughed, Ron watched in uncomfortable silence.

"Uh, KP," Ron finally said, the hesitancy evident in his voice.

"Yes, Ronnie?"

"Um, the laugh," he said. "Needs some work."

Kim looked crushed. "It's not evil enough?"

Ron rubbed the back of his neck. "Weeeellll …."

"Be honest, Ron," she said, bucking up. If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it right. And she knew she could. After all, anything was possible for a Possible – even laughing like a supervillain.

"Kim, you're badical, in fact, you are the most badical, bon-diggity person I know. But the evil laugh thing? Not your strength."

"And just what's wrong with my evil laugh?" she asked, trying not to sound annoyed. Kim then began having flashbacks to home ec. She reminded herself that Ron really was better than she at some things and that he could even teach her a thing or two: if he could help her tame a blender, she thought, he could surely teach her how to do an evil laugh. "Spill."

"It's not menacing enough," Ron said, shifting into instructor mode. "And you have to work on the body language, too. Something like this," Ron suggested as he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders.

His eyes darted back and forth and a maliciously sly grin spread across his features. Then he began to rub his hands together.

Kim watched intently.

Then Ron's eyes lit up.

"Soon, the Beagleroo will be mine. All mine!" he crowed. "And all the cuddlers in the world will bow down before me, Kim Possible, and acknowledge me as the ultimate Cuddle Buddy collector or I will send their plush little friends into an inescapable VORTEX OF DOOM! Booyahahahahaha!"

Kim was impressed. "You're ferociously good at that, you know?"

"Hey, the Rondo does have his strengths, KP," he said with a satisfied smile. "Now you try."

Kim rolled her shoulders, flicked her wrists, and took a deep breath. Then she flipped her hair, cocked an eyebrow, repeated the words Ron had just uttered and ended with a throaty, manic laugh.

"So, how'd I do that time?" she asked expectantly.

"Not bad, KP, not bad at all. I definitely like the hair-flippy thing. But let's practice a little bit more. After all, we've got to make sure your evil-laugh debut hurricane rocks. We don't want to leave any doubt that Kim Possible is in da house!

IV.

"Head in the game, Ron," Kim said as they headed to the door.

"Man, you should have thought of that before you changed, KP," Ron replied as he ogled his girlfriend. "You are … wow."

Kim grinned, then blew him a kiss. She was wearing a black halter top and an olive green micro miniskirt. She had considered heels, but decided that flats would be more practical should they have to go into action. "Thanks, Ronnie. I thought you'd approve. But why don't we get what we came for; then you can sightsee all you want."

"Just sightsee?" Ron asked.

"Well, maybe explore a bit," Kim said coquettishly. "I do so like those big hands of yours after all."

Ron found himself having trouble breathing. "Head in the game, head in the game, head in the game," he repeated to himself all while Kim enjoyed herself. She'd feel bad about teasing him if she didn't mean what she said; however, fortunately for her BF, she'd been speaking the truth. Unfortunately for her, she suddenly began to have trouble focusing.

Kim made a decision. She quickly surveyed the terrain, took Ron's hand and led him to a spot behind some bushes.

V.

Slightly disheveled but very happy, the two former teen heroes made their way into the Tri-City Convention Center. Each wore sunglasses (as did Rufus). The shades, combined with Kim and Ron attired differently from how people were accustomed to seeing them – while Kim was sporting her new look, Ron was wearing his old bad-boy outfit of leather jacket, crimson "T" and slicked-back hair – and the fact that nobody expected to see the two teens brazenly walking the streets so soon after they had shot up downtown Middleton, allowed them to pass through the convention center unnoticed.

Ron was enjoying himself tremendously. He was usually the one with boundless enthusiasm. Today, however, it was Kim's turn to gush. She was delighted by the many exhibits of accessories that any true Cuddler would want to have, not to mention the many rare Cuddle Buddies she saw. Kim had always been shy about her love of Cuddle Buddies, feeling that people would look down on her as being childish. But now that she'd decided to shuck off her inhibitions and turn bad, she felt free to revel in her love of all things Cuddle. As they walked past the booths, she oohed and ahhed, looked at all sorts of rarely seen plush toys – and made mental notes of which Flamingoat and Pandaroo Super Star Edition she'd take as souvenirs.

Kim decided that they should wait for the Beagleroo to be unveiled before they made their move. Ron thought that made sense; they could get all the goods out into the open, take what they wanted, and vamoose.

A crowd was gathering in the center of the hall for a "special program." Kim could hear the buzz – everyone assumed that this would be the moment that the legendary Cuddle Buddy would be revealed to the world. She hooked her arm through Ron's and led him to the front of the crowd.

Not long after, a beaming Mr. Paisley, the diminutive billionaire with a disturbing affection for plush, emerged. He was followed by two men pushing a draped cart and four beefy security personnel. Ron was sure they looked familiar – he wondered if they were the erstwhile Kim Squad that he'd hired back in his Naco royalty days.

The bespectacled, curly-haired tycoon approached the microphone. He tapped it twice, cleared his throat, then began speaking. He announced, much to the delight of Kim and her fellow Cuddlers, that the legend of the Beagleroo was indeed true and that Cuddler history would be made that night as he shared with the world the rarest of Cuddle Buddies.

Paisley removed the cover with a flourish.

Kim's eyes lit up with acquisitive desire.

She was about to give Ron the cue that it was time to act when a loud explosion rocked the convention center. Where there had once been a high ceiling, there was now a ragged aperture.

Someone had just blown a hole in the roof.

As a hovercar began to descend, Kim swore. The one villain she so did not want to see was on the scene.

DNAmy.

_TBC …_


	4. Day of the Beagleroo

Thanks to campy, whitem, AtomicFire, Commander Argus, Darkcloud1, spectre666, daywalkr82, GargoyleSama, Whisper from the Shadows, Molloy, peacekeeperchuck, Ace Ian Combat, Thorius Maximus, johnrie18, acosta perez jose ramiro, romantic-cancer, surforst, Louis Mielke, Morsamare, Ezbok58a, DarkJackel, roycereece, theweirdperson, jasminevr, conan98002, mattb3671, Dr.J0nes, Aero Tendo, The Mad shoe 1, Bubbahotek, swiglo3000, Visigoth29527, momike, mooneasterbunny, Joe Stoppingham, and ri100014 for reviewing and for everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy, as always, for beta and proofing. The PDVI is in the mail.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

A/N: I have somehow managed to post something every Friday for the last year. Life, however, is getting busier these days, so I may not be updating every week. I will continue to post on Fridays. And I promise that you won't have to wait another two months for chapter 5, which, I am happy to report, is already half-written.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

I.

Ron, like everyone else in the exhibition hall, looked skyward at the gaping, ragged hole in the roof. Then he turned to Kim and saw that she had shifted into full mission mode. "What's the plan, KP?" he asked.

"We have to move quickly before DNAmy gets Beagleroo," Kim answered with the same seriousness she would have displayed had a loose nuke been at risk. All thoughts of Flamingoats and Super Star Edition Pandaroos had been shunted aside now that the main prize was threatened.

The until-very-recent teen hero surveyed the scene. Pandemonium had gripped the crowd of Cuddlers, the overwhelming majority of whom were shrieking and screaming, a not unreasonable response to the destruction-accompanied appearance of a bespectacled half-human, half-gorilla and her armor-clad henchsimians.

"Create a distraction and I'll get Beagleroo," Kim ordered.

"Uh, KP, not that I don't want to help, but isn't this whole place one grande-sized distraction?" Ron asked, waving his arm around the chaos-engulfed room. "I don't think these people are really going to notice you, though I must admit that skirt and top do accentuate your extreme hotness."

Kim smiled at Ron's compliment. "Ron, that's sweet … but head in the game! I need you to distract DNAmy and her gorilla goons while I get Beagleroo."

"Gotcha," Ron said sheepishly, feeling a bit foolish. "One distraction coming up." He then cupped his hands and called out, "Yo, Amy, have a holler from Ron!"

II.

Kim, losing no time, went into action, executing a flawless triple handspring and making a perfect landing on the edge of the platform. "Hi guys," she said in a friendly voice to Paisley's security detail. "Mind if I drop in?"

The guards had already formed a protective cordon around their charges: Paisley and his plush. None of them would admit it, but they found the rotund billionaire and his hobby rather strange; during their time working for the world's foremost Cuddler they had all developed an aversion to the hybrid plush toys. However, that aversion was more than outweighed by their affection for Claude and his peeps. The security men had become quite fond of George, Abe, Alex, Andy, and especially Ulysses and knew that if they wanted to maintain those friendships they had to protect their employer and his stuffed hound/marsupial collectible.

"Please step off the platform," one of the sunglass-wearing men said to Kim, "and we won't have to hurt you."

Kim looked at the man with disdain. "Puh-leeze. The only one about to get hurt is you."

The burly man gave Kim the once over. There was no way he was going to be intimidated by a teen-aged girl. "Now look, missy …"

Kim's eyes narrowed. "You so did not just call me Missy," she snarled before she pivoted on her left foot and delivered a wheel kick to the man's chest, sending him staggering backwards into one of his colleagues. Kim put the momentum of her pivot into a punch that she delivered to another guard's jaw. Two more of the men hustled to Paisley's defense. The erstwhile teen hero looked beyond the men to see the diminutive tycoon, knees knocking, brow sodden, protectively holding Beagleroo to his chest.

A small, receding part of Kim's mind, once recognizable as her conscience, told her that what she was doing was wrong.

_Kim Possible doesn't steal_, it said chidingly.

_Really? _another, less morality-bound, and increasingly confident part of her mind observed. _What about our spankin' shopping spree at Club Banana?_

_Well_, her conscience protested, _Kim Possible doesn't commit assault and battery!_

That other part quickly countered: _My bad! I forgot: Bonnie stuffed herself into that locker._

Kim's conscience knew it was losing the argument with the more primal, acquisitive part of her mind. _C'mon_, it pleaded, _Paisley's not Bonnie. She's … she's evil! He's harmless. Look at him!_

Kim's conscience then realized it had just committed a fatal error as Kim followed its suggestion, looked at the portly billionaire – and focused on the adorable little plush creature he was clutching.

_Okay, I'll admit it. He's ferociously cute!_ Kim's conscience conceded as it wandered off into oblivion.

Kim assumed a martial arts stance and prepared to take on another guard. She simply had to have the Beagleroo.

III.

DNAmy looked down to the floor and saw a vaguely familiar blond-haired young man calling her. She was dumbfounded when he and his naked mole rat began to rap.

"Uh huh, uh huh," Rufus began.

"DNAmy," Ron rapped, "wants to date a monkey.

Monty Monkey: wants to hide from Amy."

"Boom chikka chikka boom. Boom chikka boom," Rufus added.

"Amy Hall got it for the Fiske man," Ron continued.

Wants to hold his hairy hands

Wants to date the monkey man

Wants to him to be her monkey man.

"Oh yeah! Oh yeah!" Ron and Rufus chorused.

"Did the funky stuff with his lordship's DNA," Ron rapped solo.

"Changed his hands. Changed his feet. What more can I say?

Then DNAmy she gone and went gorilla.

Too bad, though, cause Monty's hidin' in da hillas …"

Amy had been searching for her beloved for months, but to no avail. Now this teen, whose face she thought she recognized but couldn't place, was taunting her – musically – about the object of her affections.

"Stop that, you big meanie!" Amy called back. "Montykins is not hiding! He, he's just dealing with affection issues."

"Yeah, right," Ron shot back, keeping one eye on Kim. "And denial is a river in Brazil."

"What?" a confused Amy replied.

"You know. Denial. The Nile. It's a pun. Denial is a river in Brazil," Ron explained.

"The Nile is in Egypt, not Brazil!" DNAmy said.

"Egypt, Brazil. What's a couple hundred miles?" Ron asked.

"I know you!" DNAmy said as her eyes opened wide. "You're Ron Stoppable!"

"Hey," Ron said with a satisfied grin, "You remembered my name. Coolio! I thought Lord Monkey Butt was the only one who knew it."

"Don't call him that!" Amy said petulantly. "His name is Monkey Fist – though I prefer to call him Montykins. He's so cute. I just want to cuddle with him right now."

Ron suddenly found himself wanting to hurl. While the idea of DNAmy cuddling with anyone was disturbing, the idea of her trading sweet nothings with the insane English nobleman was the very definition of wrong-sick. Ron felt like he needed brain soap to cleanse the unwanted image from his mind.

"Yeah, about that," Ron said relieved to see that Kim had taken down the last of the guards and was about to seize Beagleroo. "You'll …"

Ignoring Ron, though, Amy turned to her minions. "If he's here, that supermeanie Kim Possible must be here, too! Get Beagleroo. Now!"

IV.

Ron watched in horror as events unfolded with lightning speed. Kim lunged for Beagleroo, who was being held in a death-grip by a terrified Mr. Paisley. The small billionaire, in turn, was enveloped by a beam that lanced out from the bottom of the hovercraft. The portly, curly-haired man, screaming in a way that demonstrated superior lung power, began to rise skyward. Kim responded by leaping up and grabbing onto Paisley's ankles; she tried to wrest him free, but to no avail. Ron thought Kim would let go of her quarry, but she did not. Instead, she allowed herself to be drawn into DNAmy's flying car, which rose through the gaping hole in the ceiling and flew off.

"Oh, man," Ron groaned. "This is not good!"

V.

Ron realized he needed to act, and fast. He bolted from the Convention Center auditorium, stopping only to grab a Flamingoat from the grasp of a startled Cuddler from Marion, Ohio and a Pandaroo Super Star Edition from someone who bore an uncanny resemblance to General Syms, the army officer he and Kim had met at Area 51. Ron hoped that the rare plush toys would mollify Kim. He could not imagine that his girlfriend would be anything less than royally tweaked by what was going down and calming her was going to make cleaning his parents' garden gnome-cursed garage look easy.

Toys in tow, Ron quickly made his way to the concealed hovercar that they'd stolen from Drakken. He set the two cuddle buddies down and started rummaging through the vehicle's contents.

"Destructo ray," Ron said, tossing a gun to one side.

"Electronic gizmo thingie," he noted as looked at, then set aside, a metallic cylinder.

"Paper bag …" he muttered, tossing it aside. As he did, he noticed a Club Banana logo and his curiosity got the better of him. He retrieved the package and looked inside. His eyes opened wide and he began to hyperventilate when he saw the bag's red lacy contents – contents that Kim must have been planning to don. Tugging his collar because he was suddenly very hot, Ron said in awe and joy, "Booyah! This is badi—"

An annoyed Rufus slapped Ron upside the head.

Ron reddened and chuckled. "My bad," he conceded. "Gotta focus."

The tow-headed teen returned to his search. "Villain's flash light. Diablo Sauce. Henchco catalog. mePod. Instant Cocoa Moo … Come on. Come on. Where are you?" he asked as he sorted through the car's contents. "Got it!" he proclaimed triumphantly as he held aloft the transportulator.

VI.

"This is so not right," Kim grumbled as she struggled against the restraints that held her. As has had been the case so many times during her hero days, she found herself shackled to the wall of a villain's lair. The only thing that distinguished this venue from those of Drakken and others was that it resembled a Norman Rockwell painting which made the whole experience that much more surreal.

"We're doomed, aren't we?" Paisley asked.

"Overreacting much?" she responded. "We're so not doomed. Inconvenienced maybe …"

"That's easy for you to say," the billionaire said. "You're the hero after all. By the way, that was quite the diversion you put on there, going undercover as a Cuddle Buddy thief. If I didn't know better, I would have thought you were actually trying to steal Beagleroo, not protect him."

"Uh, thanks," Kim said, thinking there was no reason to disabuse him of his misconception. It would make it easier for her to get away with the Cuddle Buddy later on if Paisley trusted her. Of course, that all depended on Kim's ability to figure out how to escape. DNAmy had relieved Kim of all her gadgets, which annoyed her to no end.

Eventually, a door opened revealing DNAmy. "So, Kimmie," she asked brightly as she entered the room. "What would you like to have your DNA merged with today? A mongoose? How about a poodle? Maybe a baby bear! Yes. That's it. Then I can call you … Kimmie-cub!"

"You are so busted! Nobody but my Dad calls me that!" Kim snarled.

"Oh, don't be such a sour …"

Ring. Ring.

"… Now you just hold on while I answer the phone."

Amy picked up the receiver. She was startled by the bright flash that accompanied Ron's arrival. "You!" she hissed.

"Hey, KP," Ron said sheepishly. "Sorry I took so long."

"It's so not the drama," she replied breezily before her features darkened. "Or at least it wasn't until Amy here called me Kimmie-cub."

Ron, shocked, looked at the mad geneticist. "You didn't."

"I did. It's cute. Just like she'll be after I splice her DNA with that of an adorable little bear cub! I just love cubs!"

"Cubs, huh? You know," Ron observed, "I always thought that was a silly name for a ball team. The Chicago Baby Bears. I mean, come on, what were they thinking?"

"Ron!" Kim growled. "Focus, please and thank you."

"Heh, heh. You got it, Kimbo," he said before turning back to Amy. "Look, you've got something I want. What do you want to let Kim go?"

"Hey, what about me?" Paisley wailed.

"Okay, toss in the rich dude, too. What do you want?"

"My Montykins," she stated, her jaw set and arms folded akimbo.

"Deal," Ron said. "But KP better be all human when I get back."

Amy frowned. "Fine. But I still think she would have made such a cute living cuddle buddy!"

VII.

Ron, once again standing by the hovercar, recalled Sensei's words: as long as you are pure of heart, the sword will return to you. Well, so much for calling the magic sword, he thought. Still, having the Lotus Blade would be a big help in going after Monkey Fist.

It was time to pay a little visit to Yamanuchi.

VIII.

Kim felt something crawling up her back.

"Hello!" a small, familiar voice squeaked.

"Rufus!" she replied, touched and pleased that Ron left the smallest member of the team with her. "He left you behind to keep an eye on Amy, didn't he?"

"Yup!" Rufus squeaked.

Kim smiled, thinking of how Ron always had her back. Then she grinned. "Rufus, I think we're actually safe for now, at least until Ron returns with Monkey Fist. Think I can send you on a little mission?"

"Uh huh!" the mole rat squeaked enthusiastically.

"Spankin' …"

IX.

"You have reached the Yamanuchi School," the computer-generated voice announced. "Thank you for calling. Your call is very important to us.

"If you would like assistance in dealing with Yakuza, please press one.

"If you would like assistance in retrieving mystical artifacts, please press two …"

"Aw, c'mon," Ron whined. He needed a connection if he was going to use the transportulator.

"… if you are an alumnus returning to campus, please press three.

"If you would like to speak with Sensei, please press four.

"All other callers, please leave a message after the beep and a ninja specialist will get back to you as soon as possible."

After what seemed an eternity to Ron, the message beeped and he was able to activate the teleportation device.

A bright light flashed in the phone room of Yamanuchi. After Ron appeared, he looked around the darkened space. It was late afternoon back in Middleton, which meant it was still very early morning in the mountains of Japan.

He quietly made his way out of the building that held the telephone and made his way to the inner sanctum where the Lotus Blade was stored.

Stealthily, he crossed the courtyard, climbed the steps, and entered the temple. There, in the middle of an otherwise empty room, was a case holding the ancient sword.

Ron approached the case and reached for the weapon, then paused. "I know you're in here, Sensei. You may as well come out now."

"Most impressive," the aged ninja master said. "You have been honing your skills."

"Yeah, well I got tired of the bullies in D Hall sneaking up on me and all," Ron explained.

"I must confess that I am most disappointed in you, Stoppable-san. You could have been a great warrior. Instead you have fallen to theft."

"It's not theft," Ron protested. "It's, uh, outsourcing!"

"Outsourcing is when you have others do your work for you," Sensei countered. "Perhaps you mean 'borrowing.'"

"'Borrowing' works for me," Ron replied.

"Then we are agreed," Sensei said solemnly. "Tell me, Stoppable-san. Why do you seek to 'borrow' the sword?"

"To save Kim and kick some monkey butt," Ron answered as he removed the ancient weapon from its case.

"I see. Monkey Fist remains a grave danger. Still, I am saddened by the turn you and Possible have taken from the hero's path."

"Sensei, it is her fault. Possible-san has corrupted Stoppable-san."

"Yori?" a surprised Ron asked. "I thought you were cool with me and Kim dating?"

"I was before she turned you from the path of the Warrior Hero," Yori replied. "She is not worthy of you. She is merely using you to further her own ends."

"Talk about the Naco calling the burrito spicy!" Ron retorted. "This is from the girl who treats me like a pack mule!"

"Stoppable-san, you hurt me with your words!" Yori said, sounding wounded.

"And you hurt my lower back by making me haul all your luggage up the mountain when you could have called one of your ninja helicopters!"

"It was your honor to carry my luggage. It helped you build character," Yori said sanctimoniously.

Ron rolled his eyes, then looked at Sensei. "Look, let's be honest. You guys were only interested in me because of what I could do for you. Now I think it's time for the Ronman to get a little payback. Besides, I think when we're done, you won't have to worry about Monty anymore."

The former exchange student explained his plan to his teacher, who grudgingly had to admit his admiration for its elegance.

"You may go, Stoppable-san," Sensei declared solemnly.

"What? I do not understand this," Yori finally stammered, dumbstruck that he was allowing Ron to 'borrow' the Lotus Blade.

"'As long as one is comfortably ensconced in the bathhouse, one cares not how one arrived there'," the old man explained to his perplexed student after Ron disappeared in a flash.

"Forgive me, Sensei," an abashed Yori said, "but I do not understand you."

"The end justifies the means. Stoppable-san will once again do our work for us. If he is successful, Monkey Fist will be a threat to Yamanuchi no more. Then we can worry about recovering the Lotus Blade."

X.

Rufus found what he was looking for. He hopped onto the table, grabbed Beagleroo, and disappeared with Kim's prize. He was looking forward to that English Farmhouse Cheddar that his human's mate had promised to get him from that specialty cheese shop in London.

XI.

"And now, with the Silver Simian of Sumatra I, Monkey Fist will become Supreme Monkey Ruler!"

The deranged nobleman's rant was answered by the hooting and hollering of his monkey ninjas.

Monkey Fist raised the gleaming idol above his head, then turned to place it upon an ornately carved stone altar. Just as he was about to set the object down, the phone rang.

"Bates," he called out, sounding perturbed, "answer that!"

"Yes, milord," the stocky gentleman's gentleman replied.

"Well, who is it?" Monkey Fist called out.

"Yoha, broja!" Ron said as he walked into the Great Hall of Fiske's castle.

"Ron Stoppable!" the aristocrat exclaimed as the teen appeared before him.

"Wow. Two of you remembering my name in one day! This has got to be a personal best," Ron observed.

"Simply smashing," Monkey Fist said snidely. "Now, if you will step aside, I was in the midst of performing an ancient ritual."

"Dude, not again with the 'I want to be the monkey king' shtick. That is getting so old!"

"Something you will not do," Monkey Fist retorted. "Monkey ninjas, attack!"

Ron was about to run away when something struck him. He was carrying the Lotus Blade. He assumed a defensive stance and withdrew the weapon from its scabbard. Then he had a second epiphany. _I cannot believe I never thought of this before!_ He held his place and yelled "Monkey ninjas, chill out!"

Much to both his and Monkey Fist's surprise, that's exactly what the diminutive soldiers did.

"How … ?" an incredulous villain stammered.

"Don't know, don't care," Ron admitted. "I just remembered the way they all followed me around after our smackdown on the space station our sophomore year of high school. Thought they might still listen."

"Be that as it may," Monkey Fist snarled, "I am the superior practitioner of Tai Xing Pek Kwar."

"Okay, I'll give you that," Ron conceded.

"And you will give me the Lotus Blade, too," Monkey Fist said.

"I don't think so," Ron said. "Look, we're on a tight schedule here, so, I guess this is where I say … monkey ninjas, attack!"

The crazed nobleman was quickly overwhelmed by his traitorous minions.

"Nice work guys … hey, Chippy, is that you?" Ron said to one of the fighters who responded with a friendly nod. "Good to see you, little buddy! Can I leave you in charge while Monkey Butt and I go on a field trip?"

Chippy nodded again.

"Badical. Now, where does Monty keep his phone? No reason for me to get stuck with international calling charges …"

Moments later, after making an expensive call at Monkey Fist's expense, Ron and the would-be monkey master left the castle in a flash.

XII.

Kim was growing a bit nervous. As far as she was concerned, DNAmy was now spending far too much time gazing longingly at her Genetic Zipper. Kim also wondered where Rufus was; she hoped he hadn't been captured.

"Come on, Ron," Kim said under her breath.

As if on cue, DNAmy's phone rang. She picked up the receiver and Ron, with a dazed Monkey Fist in tow, appeared.

Kim breathed a sigh of relief.

"Montykins!" DNAmy squealed.

"No!" he said in horror as he was jolted into alertness.

"Yes!" Kim said in triumph after Ron jogged over and sliced through her shackles with the Lotus Blade. "Don't forget him," she added, looking at Paisley.

"Stoppable, how could you?" Monkey Fist asked, sounding betrayed.

"Uh, let's see. One, KP doesn't get changed into a freak of nature. Two, it gets you out of our hair. Three, it gave me a reason to 'borrow' the Lotus Blade from Yamanuchi," Ron answered before looking at Kim. "You ready to go?"

Kim saw a proud Rufus run into the room with Beagleroo. "I am now," she said, pleased that DNAmy was too caught up in Monkey Fist to notice that the prized plush was about to leave her lair. "Let's ace this place."

XIII.

"Thank you so much for rescuing me and Beagleroo," Paisley said, standing beside the flying car, which Ron had landed on the grounds of the mogul's estate. In his relief at being freed from DNAmy's clutches, the portly plutocrat failed to notice that Kim was not just holding, but was cooing at and stroking, the plush toy.

"Uh, yeah, dude, about that, I think this would be a good time for you to say 'sayonara' to the Cuddle Buddy."

"What are you talking about?" Paisley asked.

"I think KP's kind of attached to it," Ron observed.

"Well, I'm sure we can arrange for her to visit it," Paisley offered.

"Ron," Kim said coolly without turning her attention from her new treasure. "Maybe you should send him back to DNAmy. I'm sure she'd be happy to help him enjoy being a Cuddler in a whole new way."

Paisley, unsure of which was worse, having his genes resequenced or being subjected to Amy Hall's amorous advances, shuddered. "Well," the tycoon said nervously, "Perhaps I don't need Beagleroo. After all, it was never released so it's not an official Cuddle Buddy."

"Good answer, bro," Ron said. "Well, we're outta here."

As the hovercar raced away from the Paisley estate, Ron looked at his girlfriend, who was still beguiled by her new acquisition.

"Hey, KP, am I gonna have to get jealous of you and Beagleroo?"

She didn't respond at first. Then she put the plush down and sat on Ron's lap. "Beagleroo's pretty spankin'," she said as she gave him a kiss. "But nothing can top my Rondaroo."

"Rondaroo, huh? Sounds pretty badical."

"Oh, he is," she said in a sultry voice before she nibbled on Ron's ear. Then, much to his disappointment, she stopped and sat bolt upright, a frown on her face. "What?" he said defensively. "Whatever it is, I didn't do it!"

"Ron, amp down," she said.

"Okay, but why'd you stop?" he wondered.

"Do you realize that we've stolen a flying car, the pan-dimensional vortex inducer, clothes and cash from Club Banana, not to mention Beagleroo?"

"Don't forget the Pandaroo Superstar Edition and Flamingoat I nailed for you before I left," he said holding up the two valuable collectibles.

"Ron, you are so ferociously sweet!" Kim said before kissing him. "Thank you." Her delighted demeanor then turned serious. "We've got all this stuff. But we have no place to put it."

"Well, we do have the tree lair," Ron suggested.

"Which is not secure," Kim replied. "I think it's time for us to get a _proper_ lair."

"You mean …"

"Yes, Bad Boy," she purred, "one with lasers, spinning tops of doom, doors that go 'whoosh' and anything else you can think of."

"Sounds good, Kimila," Ron replied with a grin. "You know, I always thought the Seniors should have had a …"

TBC …


	5. Singalong

Thanks to campy, daywalkr82, Commander Argus, CajunBear73, AtomicFire, Uru Baen, suforst, ri100014, Aero Tendo, peacekeeperchuck, spectre666, Josh84, The Incredible Werekitty, Deyniel, Dr. J0nes, acosta perez jose ramiro, Phoebe Starr, Bubbahotek, Zaratan, DuffKilliganFan, Ravin' Raven, TexasDad, Whisper from the Shadows, johnrie18, Visigoth29527, Ezbok58a, conan98002, CharmedMilliE, Molloy, and mattb3671 for reviewing and everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy, as always, for his beta and proof work.

Write a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

"I always knew Possible was trouble," Bonnie Rockwaller said to the attentive posse that followed her down the corridors of Middleton High School. The snarky teen had quickly gained a certain celebrity-by-association status as the first 'official' victim of Team Possible Gone Bad. "I mean, what kind of normal cheerleader knows kung fu and hangs out with villains?"

Most of the young women following in Bonnie's wake nodded in agreement.

"I still can't believe Kim would do anything to hurt anyone. I think she's just misunderstood," Tara said, still wanting to see the best in everyone. "She's done so much for everyone and is under so much stress."

"Puh-leeze," Bonnie snorted. "If Kim snapped because of the stress, it's her own fault. She has no one to blame but herself."

"What do you mean?" Tara asked.

"If she's so busy 'saving the world,'" Bonnie retorted, of course making air quotes, "she could have let me be cheer squad captain. But no, Miss High and Mighty had to do everything herself," the brunette observed with asperity. "Kim Possible belongs in jail and so does her lap dog, Stoppable"

"Ron? In jail?" Tara sighed. "But he's such a sweet guy."

"Stoppable?" Bonnie replied, disgusted and incredulous that her platinum-haired friend still apparently harbored warm feelings for the erstwhile mascot. "Loser? Yes. Sweet. No way. He's as dangerous as Kim. That slobber hound ought to be put down."

"Bonnie!" Tara exclaimed.

"What? Did you see what he did to Howie and the other football players? And did you hear what he did to Barkin? Wake up, Tara. Stoppable's a thug, just like his crazy girlfriend."

II.

"Okay, Mr. Lipsky, sign here and you'll be all set," the clerk said.

Ron bent over and scrawled a signature on the charge slip.

"Here's your card and your keys," the man behind the counter said. "Unit B7 is at the end of the row on the left."

"Thanks, Dude," Ron said as he pocketed Drakken's credit card and gave Kim one of the keys.

The two teens turned, exited the office, and returned to the flying car, which Kim piloted into the landing bay of their new time-share lair. They climbed out of the vehicle, grabbed their belongings and headed into the lair's main chamber, holding hands.

The space was high ceilinged, with gantry ways and catwalks crisscrossing above. There were places to mount all sorts of weapons and doomsday devices, a retractable ceiling through which to launch missiles and fire ray guns, and a huge communications monitor dominating a wall. Off to the side were a living room/dining area and two bedrooms.

"This is so the drama," Kim said.

"Yeah," Ron joked nervously. "Our first lair."

Kim and Ron stood at the entrance, recognizing that crossing the threshold would be a truly significant development for them, not only confirming their trip to the dark side, but taking their almost fourteen year long relationship to a new level.

Ron spoke first. Nervously he said, "You sure about this, KP? You really want to do this? I can always see if they've got another unit. You know," he began to babble as he rubbed his neck and tugged at his collar, "Drakken's got surprisingly high credit limits. Besides, with what we'd have to pay in rent on two of these places we could get a lot of frequent flyer miles …"

Kim dropped her bag, turned, took her boyfriend's hands in hers, gazed into his eyes, and gave him a slow, gentle kiss. "Ron, I know this is going to be ferociously weird at first and we're so going to get on each others' nerves at times, but since just after the Junior Prom I've been assuming that someday we'd be getting our own place together."

"Really?" Ron asked, surprised and moved by Kim's confidence in their common future. "It's incredibly cool being your BF, but …"

"But what, Ron?" Kim asked.

"But it's one thing for you to date me in high school. This is big. It's like real life. You're so incredible and I'm just … you really want to do this … with me?" he asked, looking at his shoes.

"Yes, I so want to do this, Ron," Kim said with conviction. "I know how you feel about me; it's the same way I feel about you …"

He pulled closer to her and touched his forehead to hers.

"… Ron, it so doesn't matter what we do or where we are. You're my BFBF – and don't you ever forget that. This may be happening much sooner than I planned or expected and yes, we've only just turned eighteen and to be honest, I'm scared, but we've been together since we were four, and if I have my way, we'll be together until we're 104."

Ron's eyes began to water. "KP, that is," _sob—sniff_ "so" _sob—sniff—sob_ "beautiful," he said, choking back his tears. He then pulled out a Fearless Ferret hanky and blew his nose.

"Hoo boy," Rufus observed, rolling his little naked mole rat eyes.

Kim offered Ron a warm yet wry smile. "Okay, Weepy, let's do this," she said. "We need to set up our perimeter defense – I so don't trust these guys – and then I'd like to change into something … more comfortable."

The former teen hero, not knowing that her BFBF had seen the contents of her Club Banana bag and very clearly remembered them, was caught completely off guard when he fainted.

III.

"Princess really gave you a noogie?" Shego asked before she once again doubled over, guffawing, seeing Drakken as a hapless toddler being taken down in a sandbox scrum.

"It's not funny," Drakken pouted. "It hurt. Though not as much as the wedgie the buffoon gave me …"

Shego began to laugh long and hard; it was some time before she settled down and caught her breath. "Doc," she said, desperately trying not to succumb to convulsive laughter again, "you probably shouldn't call Stoppable that anymore. Otherwise, you might be singing alto in Bad Boy's choir."

"What do you mean?" he asked, demonstrating a breathtaking level of cluelessness, especially for someone who claimed to be a genius.

The green-hued villainess responded by succumbing to the desire to direct even more laughter at her employer.

"Laugh all you want, Shego, but those two are a menace, a danger to us all!" Drakken said, wagging his finger pedantically.

"Yeah, right," Shego said between chortles. "What's the worst those two will do? Steal the Lowerton Lemur mascot costume?"

"Shego, they took our flying car!" Drakken protested. "Do you know how much those cost?"

"Well, they list for 155 grand. But if I recall you gave yourself a discount of, oh, 155 grand when you got the last one. We'll just jack a new one, okay? I heard this year's models come with heated seats and lumbar support."

"Shego, there was important … stuff in the car."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Take over the world stuff," he snapped. "Dangerous doomsday device things."

"Uh huh. Stuff you didn't even know how to use, I bet," Shego said as she began looking around for something. "Did you see my mePod?"

"What does it look like again?" Drakken asked.

"It's about this big," she said using her hands to indicate the music player's size, "and it's black. Has a small screen on the front."

"Ummm …" Drakken said nervously.

"What?" Shego asked, menace in her voice.

"I think I thought it was a Gravotomic Wave Detector."

"And …" she growled.

"I put in the flying car so I could test it …"

Shego's eyes opened wide. "Kimmie has my mePod?"

"I'm afraid so," Drakken replied.

"Do you know how long it took me to download all of those songs?" the glamorous henchwoman yelled as she stormed around the lair, gesticulating angrily. "I had more than 2000 tunes on that thing!"

"Well, you can always record them again, can't you?" Drakken asked meekly.

Shego rolled her eyes. "Doc, get with the program: this is the 21st century. You don't record songs, you download them from the internet, preferably at no charge, okay?"

"Sorry," he said petulantly. "I still don't see the big deal. How long could it take to download your precious music files?"

"Doc, I'm gonna tell you a secret, and if you _ever_ tell anyone else, you'll be in big trouble," she said, fired up her gloves to emphasize her point. _"Capisce?"_

"_Capisce,"_ Drakken whimpered as he nodded his understanding.

"What do you think would happen if everyone in the Evil Community learned about Mr. Cuddlesworth?"

"They'd think I had an adorable, childlike side?" he asked hopefully.

"They'd laugh at you!" Shego spat. "Cruelly and loudly. For years. Now imagine what they'd do if they found out you liked … Barry Manilow."

"What's wrong with Barry Manilow?" Drakken asked, a defensive note to his voice. "You know, Shego, I like singing 'Copacabana' in the shower. It's …"

"TMI, Doctor D," Shego interjected, shaking her head and waving her hands in attempt to ward off a most unwelcome image. "Okay," she said, returning to her point. "Now throw the Bee Gees into the mix," she said. "And Abba," she added quietly.

"Shego, even I have my limits," Drakken said loftily, before blinking a couple of times and raising his hands to his mouth. "You don't think someone is going to try to ruin my evil reputation, do you?"

"Gaaaaagggh!" Shego screamed. "Doc, I'm talking about me!"

"Wait, you mean you listen to the Bee Gees? And Abba?"

"Yes, I do, okay?" she snapped. "And I had everything they ever recorded on my mePod, even the bootleg of 'Dancing Queen' from the 1977 Stockholm concert …"

Shego's hands, which had been bathed in a soft green penumbra, were now enveloped in something far more fearsome and dangerous. Then, suddenly, the aura winked out. Shego had recalled something Kim had once said. It was a threat, one delivered with an innocent smile and a girl-next-door voice while Shego and Kim stood in the cheerleader's all-too-suburban kitchen, back when Aviarius had stolen the Go brothers' powers …

IV.

"Ron!" Kim cried out as she knelt by Ron's side. Gently, she shook him by his shoulders. "Are you okay?"

Slowly, he came to. As he opened his eyes and saw Kim, a huge grin spread over his face. "It's good to be the Ronster," he said.

Kim wondered about his comment, then remembered the last she thing she had said before Ron had fainted. She cocked an eyebrow. "Were you looking through my shopping bags?" she asked sharply.

Ron's grin disappeared and he turned beet red. "Uh, er, well, I was looking for the transportulator …" he said sheepishly.

"And you thought it would be in my Club Banana bag why?"

"Uh, sneakiness … I thought you were practicing being sneaky?" he suggested lamely. "Yeah, that's it. You know, hiding. Hiding. Stuff … I am so busted," Ron groaned.

Kim could no longer contain herself; she was quickly overtaken by giggles. "C'mon, Captain Romance," she said as she shook her head and mussed Ron's hair. "Let's get to work."

The two teen ex-heroes got to their feet and quickly began upgrading the rental lair's systems. Kim, using her innate strategic and tactical assessment skills, identified all of the unit's vulnerabilities, starting with the ventilation shafts. She suggested they deploy a force field to protect them from an assault by Officer Hobble, Global Justice, or most worrisome, their parents. Ron readily agreed with Kim's proposal. Using his resurgent ability with tools and gadgets (and some badical ideas from Rufus) he modified one of the devices stolen from Drakken, hooked it into the altered Kimmunicator, and rigged an impenetrable, hack-proof electronic wall for their quarters.

Feeling that he was in a groove, Ron decided he would tap into the neighbors' cable TV hookup. There was no way he and Kim were going to miss that evening's episode of _Agony County_, especially with a twenty foot wide monitor at their disposal.

"Stupid TV," he grumbled as he fiddled unsuccessfully with the hook-ups.

"Having trouble?" Kim asked as she looked at the tangle of wires and leads.

"Where's an eight-year-old when you need one?" Ron complained.

"Here, let me help," Kim offered as she knelt down by Ron's side. "Snap," she grumbled. "Doodles." Soon, feeling immensely frustrated, she was using words that would have given her Nana heartburn.

Rufus found watching his two humans fumble with the cables very painful. It wasn't long before he decided it was time to intervene. Within ninety seconds, the lair had access to 150 channels including _TV Trash Heap_ and the _Middleton Cable News Network_.

Kim and Ron were flipping through the channels when they saw a familiar face on the monitor.

"This is Tricia Labowski, reporting live from the Tri-City Convention Center, one of the stops on the rampage of former teen hero Kim Possible and her sidekick Don Slappable …"

"Okay, that just hurts," Ron whined. "She knows my name! And they're still using that picture of me!" he complained as the awful photograph that had first been broadcast during the Project Phoebus incident flashed on the screen. "The injustice of it all! And they want to know why I've gone over to the dark side?"

V.

"I always knew there was something not quite kosher about Kimberly," Mrs. Stoppable said, her arms crossed and a scowl on her face as she watched the Middleton Evening News. "Why am I not surprised that she's turned to crime and dumped our Ronnie for this Don character."

"Hmmm," Mr. Stoppable said when his son's picture appeared on screen. "That sure looks like Ron."

"Ronnie would never engage in wanton destruction or turn to crime. Members of our family don't do things like that," she said.

"Ah yes," Mr. Stoppable said, "Little Shawn was a plant. Who do you think's responsible? My money's on the O'Briens."

"He doesn't count. He's not of age," Ron's mother said huffily.

"And what of Reuben? Didn't the bar revoke his license after that incident with the mangrove swamps and the pension fund?"

"Well, if that is Ronnie, he's in big trouble. He knew I wanted him to clean the garage," Mrs. Stoppable said sternly before sighing. "Why couldn't he have dated that nice Rockwaller girl …"

VI.

"Are you done?" Kim asked as Ron was finishing his tirade.

"Almost," Ron said. "Those unfeeling monsters! You'd think after all this time they could get a better picture of me and get at least one of my names right!" he raged before turning to his BFGF. "Okay, all done," he said matter-of-factly.

"Good," Kim said before planting a five-alarm kiss on his lips. "I can't do that when you're in full rant," she observed before flashing him a smoldering smile.

Ron responded with a vacant, but very happy, grin.

Realizing she'd lost him for a few moments, Kim, curious, began fiddling with Shego's mePod. The auburn-haired teen put on the earphones, turned on the small device and began listening to music.

Ron, who slowly came out of his lip smacking-induced stupor, saw that Kim was grooving to some music. As she danced around the lair, he watched her flippy hair fly and forgot about the media's latest insult. He was surprised when Kim's eyes opened wide and her jaw dropped.

"KP, what is it?" Ron asked with urgency, fearing that Shego had booby-trapped the mePod; perhaps, he fretted, Drakken's sidekick had inserted a mind-control device into the portable music player. He was relieved when Kim's look of surprise morphed into a wide smile.

Kim removed the earphones and handed them to Ron. "You so have to listen to this …"

Ron plugged the buds into his ears, listened to the music, and blinked twice. Then he grinned at Kim and, much to her delight, began singing.

"Shego's the dancing queen, young and sweet, older than seventeen, ooo-woooo

"Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine! Ooo-wooo!"

Kim joined Ron in belting out the remainder of the chorus:

"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your liiiiiiife

"See that girl, watch that scene, dig Shego the dancing queen! Ooo-woooo ooo-wooo-i-wooo-oooo-oooo-ooo-ooooo!"

The two former teen heroes looked at one another, snickered and snorted, then laughed themselves silly. It took a few moments for Kim to catch her breath when they were done, but once she did, a truly wicked grin spread over her face.

"What is it, Kimila?" Ron asked. He suspected his BFGF was plotting something.

"Oh, it's no big, really," Kim said with a malevolent yet gleeful look. "It's just that I have a web-site …"

VII.

"… And I bet she's planning to use it," Shego whispered in horrified realization of what Kim might do. Fearful that her hard-earned rep in the Villain Community was about to be destroyed, the glamorous henchwoman bolted for the door.

"Where are you going, Shego?" Drakken asked, confused by his sidekick's seemingly random behavior.

"You were right, Doctor D; Kimmie is a menace!" Shego called back over her shoulder. "I've got to stop her!"

VIII.

Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Possible, like the rest of the residents of the Tri-City area, had seen the Middleton Evening News. Now they were watching Summer Gale and her brand new program: Rogue Teen Hero Watch.

Summer was wrapping up her report about Kim and Ron. Her voice echoed throughout the convention center's exhibit hall, which was now a shambolic mess. As her report about Team Possible's antics ended, the camera zoomed in on a lone Cuddle Buddy lying on the floor, apparently abandoned by its owner during the chaos that erupted during the showdown between DNAmy and Kim.

"… In related news," Summer said, "authorities are investigating Mr. Paisley of Upperton. It has been learned that the billionaire collector of plush was in possession, until Kim Possible stole it, of a purloined prototype. Though Paisley said he acquired the toy legally, a spokeswoman at Cuddleco said the company was pursuing criminal charges against the tycoon …"

James Timothy Possible sighed.

"I can't believe our little Kimmie has gone bad," his wife said.

"Neither can I," James agreed, wishing he'd bought his daughter the jacket she wanted.

"I shouldn't have kept putting her on the speaker phone," Mrs. Dr. P said, succumbing to guilt.

James sat down next to his wife and put his arm around her, then sighed. "We do the best we can." He and his wife stared at the TV screen in silence. Finally, he spoke again, this time with a measure of relief. "At least she hasn't gone into show business …"

It was a well-known fact in the Possible abode that James Timothy Possible rated show folk even lower than the Tax Man and their daughter's villainous foes.

IX.

Jimmy Blamhammer, sitting in his office and watching the news on his 200-inch wide plasma-screen television, tapped the side of his head, activating the micro-chip cell phone implanted in his brain.

He had been captivated by the security camera footage of Kim taking down Paisley's guards and her attempt to wrest the portly man from the clutches of DNAmy's gorilla goon.

"Stewie, tell the production crew to drop EVERYTHING! I've got a BRILLIANT idea for my next blockbuster," the hyperactive studio executive announced. He held out his hand before him, as if surveying a movie theatre marquee. "Stolen Goods IV: Goods for Nothing!"

Jimmy cocked an eyebrow as he listened to his colleague.

"Quinn and Heather? No way," the mogul said. "I want Kim POSSIBLE and Ron STOPPABLE to play themselves. Ordinary teens commit extraordinary crimes! They'll be box office gold! And the spin-offs will be HUGE! Imagine: sequels, video games, books. It will be INCREDIBLE!"

Blamhammer listened to Stewie's response.

"Of course I know they've gone bad! That's HALF THE ATTRACTION! We don't even have to wait for one of them to have a fit on Oprah to generate press. Besides, you know the people in PR would much rather deal with assault and battery and theft than the kind of weird stuff Heather and Quinn having been mixing themselves up in lately!"

X.

Kim and Ron were enjoying some Bueno Nacho take out (thanks to the transportulator they didn't have to wait in line for their order – or even pay for it) while sitting at the table in the lair's dining area, Kim's laptop computer before them.

She had called up her web site, which she was now modifying.

"'Kim Possible dot com'," she read aloud as she began typing. "'I can do anything.' I think I'll change that to 'I can do anything I want.'"

"Simple and direct, I like that, KP," Ron observed.

"Now, it's time to add the new entertainment section," she said.

"You want Shego's mePod?" Ron asked.

"Please and thank you."

_TBC …_


	6. Cooking Up Trouble

My thanks to RI100014, campy, spectre666, daywalkr82, cpneb, Atomic Fire, DuffKilliganFan, surforst, peacekeeperchuck, acosta perez jose ramiro, Thorius Maximus, CharmedMilliE, johnrie18, Joe Stoppinghem, Dr. J0nes, Lonestarr, US.Steele, Uru Baen, Deyinel, Josh84, Ace Ian Combat, The Incredible Werekitty, conan98002, Zaratan, Whisper from the Shadows, mattb3671, Ezbok58a, Aero Tendo, Molloy, qtpie235, Phoebe Starr, The Mad shoe 1, and S-Chrome for reviewing and for everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy for beta and proofreading this chapter

Leave a review, get a response.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I.

"This is fascinating," Betty Director said.

"I must concur," Will Du said. "And disturbing, too. While Kim Possible and her clownish paramour are amateurs, they are dangerous." GJ's number one agent was watching the security tape from Team Possible's visit to Club Banana. As much as it chagrined him to say so, he was impressed by the speed and efficiency with which the two teens had committed the robbery.

"Actually, I was talking about Shego's music playlist," Director admitted. "I never would have guessed that she liked KC and the Sunshine Band. We're going to have to do a complete re-evaluation of our Shego Factor project findings."

"Doctor Director, we must act and soon," Du insisted, completely uninterested in whether Shego liked KC and the Sunshine Band, Metallica, MC Honey or Lawrence Welk. "Possible and Stoppable are a menace."

"The question, though, is to whom?" she observed as she considered the images on the giant monitors that dominated the GJ control center.

"What do you mean?" the agent asked incredulously. "Just consider what they've already done!"

Betty Director arched an eyebrow and looked at her Number One Agent. "I have. Team Possible committed a petty robbery of a store owned by a rapacious corporation that refuses to give its employees health care benefits. Kim beat up a young woman who has spent years degrading her peers while Ron dealt with a trio of bullies who had made life miserable for their classmates. While they stepped over the line with their teacher, the reports I've seen show that other than a bruised ego, Steve Barkin, who sometimes has difficulty remembering that he is an educator and not an Army officer serving in the field, suffered no injuries."

"Still, those are all criminal actions!" Du protested.

"Agreed," Betty said. "But I remain intrigued by their targets."

"Doctor Dir—" Will said before being cut off by his superior.

"Let's also consider what else they have done," Director remarked.

"According to our sources, in less than 36 hours Team Possible has effectively neutralized DNAmy and Monkey Fist, plunged Drakken into a paralyzing fear and inflicted serious damage to Shego's reputation in the Evil Community."

"What about the mayhem at the Cuddlecon?" Will asked, displeased by his boss' apparent embrace of moral relativism.

"I am not condoning what Kim and Ron have done. Their activities have been manifestly illegal," she said. "However," Betty continued, "even that has had a surprising benefit: we are now uncovering very interesting things about some of Mr. Paisley's other leisure activities. GJ investigators have learned that he actually had a scheme to corner the global market in Hummels. If he'd been successful …"

Du grimaced. "Were one man to control the world's supply of light armored vehicles …"

"Hummels, Will, not Hummers."

"Hummels?" he asked.

"Yes, the small, excruciatingly adorable porcelain figurines."

"Good God," Will said, unable to conceal his horror. "Paisley's desire for cute …"

"… Knows no bounds," Betty observed. "The last time that kind of fetish was allowed to run unchecked we wound up with DNAmy. If Paisley had succeeded, the consequences could have been catastrophic."

Dr. Director and Will both shuddered as they imagined a world conquered by Teutonic-inspired cute.

"So," Will asked. "What is our course of action?"

Betty looked pensively at the screens. "For now, we take no action. I want to see how events unfold."

Betty Director was no fool. If Team Possible Gone Bad was willing to do her work for her, she was willing to give them a little more running room.

II.

"So, what do you think?" Ron asked, pride evident in his voice.

Kim looked at the artwork that her BFBF had "picked up" for their lair. During their months of dating, Ron's thoughtfulness regarding presents had grown exponentially. The days of Bueno Nacho Bueno Bucks were but a thing of the past. "You know how I feel about Monet's _Water Lilies_ – it's spankin' …" Kim cooed.

"And, and?" Ron asked expectantly.

"I'm not one hundred percent about _Dogs Playing Poker_," she replied with far less enthusiasm.

"Awwww," Ron whined. "It's a classic!"

"Ron, it is so not a classic. It's … kitsch," Kim retorted.

"But it's classic kitsch!" Ron replied.

Kim rolled her eyes.

"I saw that!" Ron said, his voice rising. "All I want is one little picture that reflects my Essential Ron-ness but you say 'nooooo' …"

"Overreacting much?" Kim responded, her arms folded across her chest.

"I don't think so," Ron said heatedly. "Next thing you know, you'll tell me I can't put out my lava lamp!"

"Excuse me if I don't want to live in a cheesy mall store, Ron!" Kim shot back. "Besides, I do know design-wise what's best for our lair."

"Oh, yeah, right!" he snapped. "Should I get a new haircut now or later?"

"That is so ferociously unfair!" Kim responded before countering Ron's snide comment with one of her own.

Rufus watched with concern as his humans began yelling at one another. Unsure of what to do, he began to pace and chitter nervously. His agitation only grew when Kim and Ron stormed away from one another and into their respective rooms. Rufus winced as two doors slammed shut, the sound echoing throughout the cavernous lair.

Kim sat on her bed, fuming. She was ferociously tweaked with Ron. _Why can't he grow up?_ she wondered before realizing she was clutching … a Cuddle Buddy. Her anger dissipated, to be quickly replaced by chagrin. _Nice work, Possible. You are such the hypocrite_, she thought. She knew that this was not how she wanted her new life with Ron to begin. Kim, determined to set things right, rose to look for something. A few minutes later, she left her room.

Ron, knowing full well that any damage he caused would be deducted from his paid-for-by-Drakken security deposit, was busy kicking stuff in his room. After the sole of his boot introduced itself to yet another piece of defenseless furniture, his eyes fell on some of the things he'd brought along. Action figures. Video games. His lava lamp. Would it really kill him to keep those things – and the stupid dog picture – in his room? Kim deserved better for her first home; she deserved a real adult living room. _Rondo_, he told himself, _it's time to be a man …_ he got up and left his room.

III.

The two teens bumped into each other outside their rooms.

Ron's eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped when he saw what Kim was wearing: a silk nightgown and matching robe that accentuated her natural beauty.

Kim blushed at Ron's reaction – but also smiled with satisfaction.

Ron continued to stare. His teen male mind had fantasized about Kim wearing the lacy red things he'd seen in her shopping bag. But what he saw took his breath away.

Rufus, who was watching, scampered to his human's side and kicked him, shaking the addled teen from his shock. Satisfied that Ron was functional, Rufus headed to the kitchen for some snackage.

"KP," Ron finally said, while trying to control his breathing, "Wow. I mean – wow. Oh, man. Wow. I can't believe it. I, oh wow. Wow."

"Very smooth, Captain Romance," she said as she enjoyed Ron's reaction. "When you remember our first night together in our new lair I want you to think of this, not our fight," she added as she wrapped her arms around Ron's neck and pulled him to her.

"Fight, what fight?" Ron said with a lopsided grin.

The two former heroes stood quietly and enjoyed holding one another.

"I'm sorry," they both finally said, breaking the silence in unison.

Kim, naturally, beat Ron to the jinx punch. "You owe me a Benson," she said brightly, still holding him close.

"You got it, KP," Ron answered. "That is, as long as you tell me what a Benson is," he added.

"Deal," Kim said, as she rested her head on her BFBF's shoulder. "You know what else I want?"

"Nope. The Ronster hasn't a clue," he replied.

Kim pulled back so she could look into Ron's eyes. "I want to hang _both_ of our pictures."

"Really?" he said. "You sure about it? I mean, if you really hate the dogs …"

"Ron, it's so not the drama," Kim said. "I guess this is part of learning to share a place. Just promise me that you won't bring home any Black Velvet Elvis pictures."

Ron grinned. "That's a promise I think I can keep without any trouble. Though that does give me an idea …"

As Ron explained what he had in mind, Kim's eyes lit up. "You really are a bad boy! Let's do it … later," she said before she took Ron's hand and led him to the couch where they kissed and cuddled.

IV.

Curators at the Louvre were stunned and outraged when they arrived in the morning and discovered a kitschy portrait of a white jump-suited King painted on poor quality black velvet was hanging in the place normally occupied by the _Mona Lisa_.

V.

Wade sat at his computer, sipping at his drink, staring blankly at his monitor.

"You okay, Son?" Mrs. Load asked her brilliant boy.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Mom," he said wistfully. "Just a little bored." There were only so many people he could trounce in the on-line gaming world, so many rogue state computers he could hack for the NSA, so many PhDs he could earn. He missed world saving with Kim and Ron.

Mrs. Load looked at her progeny. She knew how much he had enjoyed being a part of Team Possible and she suspected that Wade had been hurt that they hadn't invited him to join them when they turned to a life of crime. She wasn't surprised, though; she was aware that Kim and Ron were dating and at some point, three was going to become a crowd.

She knew her thirteen-year-old needed something to take his mind off his woes. Mrs. Load took a deep breath, then took action, offering a suggestion she hoped would distract Wade. "Son," she said, "I think it's time you began to think about girls."

VI.

Shego realized she didn't know where Possible and the buffoon were holed up. She did, however, know that her evil rep was already taking a hit. The green-hued villainess may have been dismissive of the time Drakken spent on the Internet, but she wasn't averse to occasionally surfing the web herself. That's how she knew that the speculation on the villains' chat board about her musical tastes was running rampant. And while Shego harbored a general dislike for people gossiping about her, she was particularly galled that anyone would suggest that liking Air Supply should be taken as a negative reflection on one's capacity for evil.

Knowing she needed to act before the situation deteriorated even further, Shego found herself the last place she ever expected to be: standing in front of Kim Possible's house. Shego had concluded that she needed to start her search for Princess somewhere and the cheerleader's house seemed to be as good a place as any other.

With a distinct lack of enthusiasm, Shego rang the bell.

The door opened to reveal a very wary James T. Possible.

"Okay, where's Kimmie?" Shego demanded, her hands aglow.

"I remember you!" Mr. Dr. P replied with a scowl; after having a giant killer robot run amok in his house, he was not easily intimidated. "You're one of those circus folk Kim brought home last year!" The rocket scientist looked beyond Shego. "Where are they?"

"Where are who?" the suddenly confused henchwoman asked.

"Those other performers who were with you the last time you were here," Mr. Dr. P responded, not bothering to hide his distaste at the thought of show people being in his neighborhood.

Shego, unsure which bothered her most – being confused with a circus performer or being reminded of her brothers – resisted the temptation to deck Kim's dad. She still needed his help, after all. "They're back at the Big Top," she answered. "Don't worry, they won't darken your doorstep."

"Good," he said, relaxing as he felt his wife's hand on his shoulder.

"Honey," Ann asked, "why are you talking with one of Kim's foes?"

He turned and looked at his wife. "Foes? What do you mean? This young woman is with the circus," he said.

"Dear, this woman is a villain," Mrs. Dr. P said.

"I'm glad to see you're finally coming around to my view of the circus," James replied with satisfaction.

"No, James," Ann said. "She's a real villain. She works with Drew."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah," Shego confirmed. "Doctor D and I go way back. Though not as far back as you. You were one of his posse in college, weren't you?"

"Well, I wouldn't say _we_ were _his_ posse …" James countered.

"Shego, why are you here?" Ann asked the unexpected visitor.

The green-hued villainess frowned. "Princess decided to nuke my rep in the evil community. I'm here for payback."

James chivalrously positioned himself in front of his wife. "I may not know kung fu like my daughter, but I won't let you hurt my family!"

Shego grinned. "Chill out, Doc. I'm not here to hurt you."

"Then what do you want?" he asked suspiciously.

"Look," she said reasonably. "I want to take Kimmie down and you want to nip her evil career in the bud. I think we can help each other."

Ann and James looked at one another, then at Shego.

"I was making some coffee," Mrs. Dr. P said. "Would you like some?"

VII.

"Ron, you're scaring me," Kim shuddered. She had never imagined that her BFBF harbored such a cruel streak. "Are you sure about this?"

"Oh yes. Yes, I am," he said, no hint of emotion in his voice. "Vengeance will be mine. Booyahahahahahaha!"

"Okay, then I'm in," Kim said. "But dial back the evil laughter, please and thank you."

Ron, surprised and a little bit hurt, looked at his girlfriend. "I thought you liked the laugh? That it hurricane rocked?"

Kim stood with her hands on her hips. "I do and it does. But don't overdo it. It's like when you have too many nacos."

"You can never have too many nacos," Ron replied indignantly.

"Says the guy who had to cancel a date with me because he'd gone overboard at All-You-  
Can-Eat Naco Night and wound up with a severe case of 'crummy tummy.'"

"Ooooh yeah, guess you got a point there, KP," a sheepish Ron acknowledged. The scene in the Bueno Nacho mens' room had not been pretty. Not pretty at all.

Kim, satisfied that she had carried the point, smiled, then handed Ron the transportulator. "Okay, Captain Vengeance Will Be Mine. Let's get this party started. I so want to curl up on the couch and watch the season finale of _Agony County_ with my hottie BF tonight."

VIII.

"Oooh! Father! Have you seen this?" an excited Junior squealed as he thrust a copy of the _Examiner (European Edition)_ at his father.

"No, I have not, my son. Is it news of your latest villainous exploit?" the old billionaire asked hopefully before he looked at the newspaper.

The muscle-bound young man with the _Le Goop_ treated hair and a face that made a cow's look thoughtful looked at his father. "I do not understand," Junior confessed. "I have not committed any villainous exploits."

"Oh well," Senior sighed. "I was merely hoping that you were going to surprise me. So, what news is so important that you have bestirred yourself from the poolside?"

"It is my Blue Fox!" Junior said animatedly. "She has turned to evil …"

Senor Senior looked at the paper with its picture of Kim and Ron in action at the Tri-City Convention Center and read the proffered news with mounting interest. If Kim Possible were evil and she were his son's girlfriend, then there might be hope for his offspring yet.

"… Perhaps we can bring her here?" Junior asked, looking like a child who hoped to convince his parents that it was indeed time to get a puppy. "Then, Father, when I win my Blue Fox's heart we will be able to give you grandchildren!"

Senor Senior chuckled. "Grandchildren, Junior?"

"Yes, Father. Grandchildren. _Evil _grandchildren!"

"My son," Senior said as he laid his hand on his son's shoulder, "I like the way you are thinking."

IX.

"Princess is going to be ripped when this goes online," Shego said gleefully.

James and Ann did not share Shego's sense of merriment. Still, their daughter's shocking behavior required that they take drastic measures.

"Oh, lighten up," Shego said as she sipped at her coffee, wondering why the java in Drakken's lair never tasted so good. "She won't be hurt, just humiliated!"

"You're confident that this will undermine her in the villain community?" Ann asked.

"Positive," Shego said with satisfaction.

X.

"Och, what are ye two dooin' here?" Duff Killigan asked upon finding two former teen heroes rooting through his castle's kitchen.

"You have something we need," Ron said, not bothering to look up at Killigan.

"I dinna take it, whate'er it is ye want," the world's most dangerous golfer responded, annoyed that the sanctity of his abode had been violated.

"Nobody said anything about you taking anything," Kim retorted. "Though if I know you, you did take something that doesn't belong to you."

"Oh, like ye are one to talk, lassie," Duff snapped back; he'd heard the stories about Kim and Ron's new bad 'tude. "I know all about the girl who ken steal anything. I hope yer hair doesn't clash with the orange jump suit ye'll be wearin' in prison."

"I am so not going to take lip from a guy who wears a dress," Kim responded, knowing how to best press Killigan's buttons.

"Aye, I know ye know it's a kilt!" the Scotsman protested.

"I'm with KP on this one, big guy," Ron said as he took a break from searching to peek over his shoulder. "Looks like a dress to me."

"I'm tellin' ye both! I bought it at We Be Kilts dot Com! I ken even show ye on me computer …"

"I so don't have time for this," Kim said evenly as she dropped into a fighting stance. "And I feel like a workout."

Duff had always thought of Kim Possible as a wee, if highly competent, little thing. Now she looked like a very bad girl who wanted to hurt him. And badly. "What do ye want?" he asked.

"The haggisonator, please and thank you."

Duff's eyes opened wide. "Ye kennot be serious, lassie!' he protested. "It was me gram's!"

"Your … gram's?" Ron asked.

"Aye, me Gram MacDoogleduff invented it back in '37," he said warmly before adding plaintively, "Tek anythin' but doon't take that."

Kim and Ron were both surprised by how forlorn Killigan looked at the prospect of losing his family treasure.

"Do you really need it, Ron?" Kim asked. While part of her was excited about having an excuse to beat up the mad golfer, another part of her, inspired by the attachment she felt to the plush she had recently purloined, felt sympathy for the man.

"It would make things easier," Ron explained.

"Are there other options?" she asked.

Ron pursed his lips and considered his plans and the various alternatives.

"Yeah, KP, we can do this another way. But we're going to have to hold our noses …"

XI.

"Eat it," Ron demanded. "Now!"

"You can't be serious," Cafeteria Lady replied with incredulity as she found herself looking at two very tweaked teens. She, Kim, and Ron were standing behind the serving station at the cafeteria, separated from the stunned students by a portable force field Ron had found among the things in Drakken's hover car.

"Note serious face," Ron snapped.

The decades-long employee of the Middleton School system saw the uncompromising expressions on Kim's and Ron's faces. She'd always known that someday students would seek to exact revenge on her for the lunchtime horrors she'd inflicted on them. Screwing up her face, she took a spoonful of Duff Killigan's Gram's Haggis.

Ron and Kim, who had both endured more than enough school lunches that would have done villains bent on tormenting innocent people proud, both watched with anticipation.

"Not bad. Not bad at all," the old woman finally said. "I think I'll have to add this to the menu."

"I cannot believe this!" Ron cried, pulling his hair. "This is so unfair!"

"At least the D Hall bullies and Bonnie will have to eat it," Kim observed, trying to boost his spirits. "That should be worth something, right?"

Ron's shoulder sagged. "Yeah, I guess so."

Kim couldn't help but think that Ron looked like a deflated balloon. She felt terrible for her BFBF who'd relished finally exacting some measure of vengeance on Cafeteria Lady for all the gustatory pain for which she was responsible. Kim had been focused on comforting Ron when she noticed the satisfied smirk on Cafeteria Lady's wizened old face.

"You think you're pretty tough, don't you?" Kim asked.

Cafeteria Lady stared at Kim and Ron in stony silence, then defiantly took another spoonful of the haggis. Then another. And another. Until it was all gone. Then, signaling her triumph, she let out an impressive belch.

"Barkin may have folded like a house of cards, but not me," Cafeteria Lady said dismissively. "You're just a couple of punks."

Kim and Ron stared back in shock.

"No, let me correct myself," Cafeteria Lady observed. "You, Stoppable, you're a loser punk. You can't even do this villain thing right."

Kim's nostrils flared. "You so didn't call my BF a loser!"

"I so did …" Cafeteria Lady said with satisfaction, "… Cupcake."

Ron was impressed by the speed with which Kim moved. One moment Kim was by his side, the next she was on top of Cafeteria Lady, who found herself on her back, pinned to the floor under 105 pounds of rogue cheerleader. "You think you're tough, don't you?" Kim asked.

Cafeteria Lady's response was derisive laughter.

"Oh, laugh now," Kim said venomously. "But you won't be laughing for long."

"What are you going to do to me?" Cafeteria Lady taunted. "Beat me up? I don't think so."

Kim surprised Cafeteria Lady when she responded by flashing her a wicked grin.

"You're right," the former teen hero said sweetly. "I'm not going to beat you up. I'm going make you eat my cooking."

Kim's notoriously bad culinary skills were legendary at MHS. While it was true she had ultimately tamed a mixer and passed her Home Ec class, it was common knowledge that any success Kim enjoyed in the kitchen was due to Ron's presence. Without him by her side, Kim's innate ability to conjure food-based disaster would quickly assert itself.

Cafeteria Lady, who was well aware of this, gulped. Eating haggis was one thing. Eating Kim Possible's cooking was another.

"You wouldn't …" Cafeteria Lady said, her now-shaky voice betraying her fear.

"I would," Kim replied before looking over her shoulder at Ron.

"You sure about this, KP?" he asked.

"So sure," Kim said.

"Okay. You want me to find you some ingredients?" Ron asked. Getting into the swing of things, he suggested, "Maybe some you've never used before?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said with relish. Cafeteria Lady was so going to pay for dissing her BFBF. And for calling her 'cupcake.'

After all, some things really were inexcusable …

_TBC …_


	7. The Plot Thickens, Dude, Seriously

My thanks to S-Chrome, campy, Darkcloud1, whitem, calamite, cpneb, ZK Chromedragozoid, MichaelCross, CajunBear73, spectre666, daywalkr82, Josh84, Gray Cardinal, mattb3671, RI100014, Natasel, Skyler-A-Teloiv, Bubbahotek, Ezbok58a, Matri, acosta perez jose ramiro, Lonestarr, Joe Stoppingham, Deyinel, Yankee Bard, Charles Gray, surforst, AtomicFire, Uru Baen, CharmedMilliE, Dr. J0nes, conan98002, Molloy, Zaratan, Jawelik, Phoebe Starr, Camarilla, Ace Ian Combat, possom2009, Whisper from the Shadows, Commander Argus, and A Markov for reviewing.

Special thanks, and a free pass on Kim's cooking, to campy for his beta and proof work.

As always, leave a review, get a reply.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney.

* * *

I. 

Ron was cringing. "Make it stop, KP! It's giving me the willies! It's evil!"

"Dial down the drama, Ron," Kim replied with a roll of her eyes. "It's just a picture."

"An evil picture!" he said, pointing at the World's Most Famous Painting, which just happened to be propped up against a wall in their time-share lair. "She looks at me wherever I go. Make her stop!"

Kim shot a highly skeptical look at her BFBF. "Overreacting much?"

"I don't think so, Kim," Ron replied with the assurance of one who knew wrong-sickness when he saw it. "I'm telling you: Mona here is channeling the malign spirit of the Garden Gnome."

"Riiiiight," she said, an eyebrow cocked, her arms crossed, as she leaned against the doorframe.

Seeing Kim was still dubious, Ron decided he needed to show a bit of spine to his BFGF and manfully tried to stare down the enigmatic Italian beauty, but soon flinched; he realized he'd rather be in the company of monkeys than have to spend time with the portrait.

Kim knew she had to do something. As melodramatically weird as Ron was being, it was clear that he was genuinely upset. She pursed her lips and rubbed her chin as she considered what to do about the sitch. Then she smiled. "Okay, Ron, I think we can deal with your problem and have some fun."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

"So really," she said. "Here's what I have in mind …"

After Kim explained her plan to Ron, he whistled. "You know what, KP, you really are a bad girl!"

"It's no big, really," she replied with a breezy smile and a flip of her hair. "I'm just chillin' like a villain."

II.

Steve Barkin sat in his office reviewing the incident. Using a Number 2 pencil, he jotted down on a crisp yellow legal pad a chronology of the events:

1157 hours: Received call of intrusion in cafeteria.

1200 hours: Reported to cafeteria. Discovered Possible and Stoppable on premises.

1201 hours: Attempts to confront intruders and thwarted by their deployment of a portable energy barrier generation device.

1202 hours: P and S engaged Cafeteria Lady (CL).

1252 hours: P fed CL. Mayhem engulfed cafeteria.

1253 hours: P and S deactivated energy barrier and departed. Rendered assistance to CL.

As Barkin reviewed the after-action report with its cool, clinical descriptions, he knew it didn't do justice to what he had actually witnessed.

With a group of spellbound students, he watched the showdown between Cafeteria Lady and Kim and Ron unfold, from the older woman's taunts to Kim's swift and terrible reaction. Steve Barkin had seen a lot over the years – he'd served in the field as a junior Army officer and worked in secondary education for some time – but never had he witnessed something as awful as Cafeteria Lady being forced to eat Kim Possible's chicken cacciatore. The blithe defiance Cafeteria Lady had shown when she had consumed the haggis was nowhere to be seen as she was forced to down Kim's culinary abuse.

After Barkin had been body slammed by the two former heroes and learned of their crime spree (he knew he'd been right to give Stoppable that funny look back in the 9th grade; he only wished he realized that Possible had been playing him all this time – she'd clearly been planning this for years, at least since her stint in detention back in 10th grade), he wasn't surprised to see them confront Cafeteria Lady. He was caught off guard, however, by the reaction of the Middleton High student body to what happened: cheering, raucous, unbridled, vengeance-filled cheering had erupted among the crowd, washing over the room like a mighty wave. Some students whipped out their cell phones and called peers who were elsewhere on school grounds, insisting they come to the lunchroom to watch what was happening, while others rang up older siblings who had graduated from Middleton High to tell them of the rude justice that was being meted out before their eyes.

The Assistant Principal knew he'd lost control of the situation. He seethed as Kim and Ron stood triumphantly over the prostate figure of Cafeteria Lady who, after 'enjoying' Kim's cooking, had turned green and was desperately clutching her stomach. The rogue teens smiled and took mock bows as their former classmates continued to hoot and holler their approval. Kim and Ron, smirking, looked directly at Barkin; Kim blew him an air kiss while Ron winked and gave him a thumb's up. Then, simultaneously, Kim and Ron disappeared and the force field winked out.

Barkin climbed on top of a chair and cupped his hands. "Okay, people: Listen up!" he yelled. Once he was sure he had the students' attention, he continued. "Everybody get to class. NOW!"

The students, realizing that the normal order had reasserted itself, shuffled out of the room. More than few cast a mocking glance at the fallen food service worker who had served them so many awful, inedible meals.

Barkin climbed down from his perch, headed over to Cafeteria Lady, and knelt by her side. "Are you okay?" he asked, realizing that he had probably never uttered a more inane question.

Cafeteria Lady stared vacantly at the gruff educator. "Risotto," she mumbled. "I'll make him risotto. Or kosher meals. Whatever he wants. I think he likes white truffle sauce. And pizza. Good pizza. Not the cheese-covered cardboard. I can do that. Just don't make me eat her cooking again. The horror. The horror …"

III.

Motor Ed slid across the floor of his junkyard lair as he completed his air guitar rendition of his favorite Leonard Skennard tune. The engineer with a righteous mullet and seriously bad attitude was too wrapped up in his make-believe rock concert to notice the arrival of two teens and one large parcel wrapped in brown paper.

Kim and Ron watched Motor Ed strum his imaginary chords before they looked at each other, exchanged smirks, quickly stowed the item and left.

Motor Ed, unaware that he'd been visited, began riffing on a Moving Rocks song.

Vinny and the boys didn't know how lucky they were to be out getting hoagies.

IV.

"New Jersey State Police, D Barracks," a trooper announced in a clipped voice.

"Yes, this is Roderick Stiffington-Bing," Ron said in his best upper-crust English accent. "I would like to report a most shocking crime."

"Could you please spell your name, sir?" the trooper inquired.

Ron sighed. "Stiffington-Bing. S-T-I-F-F-I-N-G-T-O-N …"

"Was that with one 'Bling' or two?" the trooper asked.

"It's 'Bing' and there's only one, dear fellow," Ron replied haughtily to Kim's amusement.

"Thank you," the trooper replied. "What was stolen?"

Ron gave the requested details, then ended the call. He hung up the receiver and looked at the beautilicious rogue cheerleader who was sitting in his lap.

"You really think they'll buy that, KP?" he asked.

"It was the art heist of the century," she answered knowingly. "They so have to investigate, no matter how … unusual … the lead."

"Yeah, I guess so," Ron agreed.

"You know, I think I'd like to do some investigating myself," Kim said as she moved closer to Ron.

"Hey, I'm all about inve—"

Ron found himself cut off by two very inquisitive lips.

Not surprisingly, he decided to cooperate with his BFGF's inquiry.

V.

"How did you get in here?" the perfectly coiffed woman said from behind the safety of her neat teak desk.

"I let myself in," Shego said as she placed the palms of her gloves on the flawless surface. "I'd like to see Dave."

"I'm sorry," the unflappable assistant said, "That won't be possible. Mr. Numberman is very busy and won't be able to see you."

Shego flashed a malevolent grin, raised a hand, and summoned her glow power. "You want to take another look at his schedule?"

The woman sniffed. "Well, he might be interested in talking to you about Stupid Villains' Tricks."

"Sister," Shego said as she leaned into the woman's face. "I wouldn't push it."

The woman glared back at the glamorous henchwoman. "You're the one who shouldn't push it. Right now I'm working on appearances by the Governator of California and Jimmy Blamhammer. What makes you think Mr. Numberman would even be interested in anything you have to say?"

"Two words: Kim Possible," Shego said with confidence as she patted the bag containing the DVDs the Possibles had given her. Shego had planned to stream them over the Internet until it occurred to her that she could really make a splash on live television.

The receptionist's face betrayed her curiosity. "You actually know her?"

Shego grimaced. "You remember the thing with the fast-food robots last year?"

"Yes," the woman said.

"You remember the part where Kimmie kicked someone into a tower?" Shego asked.

"That was just a rumor," the assistant replied dismissively. "Everybody knows Kim Possible would never do anything like that."

"Yeah, just like she'd never knock over a cuddle buddy convention or mug a teacher, huh?" The expression on the assistant's face told Shego she now had the woman's undivided attention. "It was my gut that Princess' size seven boot met."

"I see," the woman said. "So you met her once. I'm sure we could find other villains who know her."

"Lady," Shego growled. "Princess and I have a longstanding professional relationship. Nobody knows her better than I do. And I've got dirt to dish …"

_Dirt to dish._ Three magic words to fully engage any talk show host's assistant.

"… beginning at age 2 and in living color."

The woman pressed a button on her intercom. "Dave, I have a visitor here I think you should see …"

VI.

"I am most impressed, my son."

Señor Senior, Sr. surveyed the scene in the courtyard of his Mediterranean lair: his progeny stood before him wearing a very stylish tuxedo; he was flanked by similarly attired henchmen, all of whom wore sunglasses and had wires protruding from buds in their ears.

Behind the assembled party stood a next-generation stealth hoverjet.

"Thank you, Father," the young Senior said with pride. "I am all ready to implement Operation Abduct Kim Possible and Convince Her to Be My Bride!"

"Your aircraft is properly equipped?" Senior asked.

"Yes, Father!" Junior replied enthusiastically. "The finest foods from the most talented chefs in Europe, ridiculously expensive silver and linens, all the latest Oh Boyz love songs …"

"Restraints?" Senior wondered aloud. "Do you have restraints?"

"But of course!" Junior squealed. "Just in case my Blue Fox doesn't realize it is her destiny to be with her Yellow Trout."

"And what do you plan to do about Ron Stoppable?" the billionaire villain inquired.

"Ron Stoppable?" Junior said, scratching his head. "The name sounds familiar …"

"He is Miss Possible's sidekick and paramour," Senior explained.

"I do not know about paramours. Miss Bunny never taught me about them," Junior replied. "Are they like parachutes?"

Senior sighed, then realized he should be grateful for what he had – Junior was at least showing some evil initiative, after all. "A paramour is a love interest. Ron Stoppable is Kim Possible's boyfriend."

Junior's eyes shot open and he raised his hands to his mouth. "My blue fox is dating a pink sloth? A pink sloth with such messy hair and unfashionable clothing?"

"Yes, Junior," the older man answered.

The young man's look of horror turned to one of determination. "That will not do," Junior growled. "Kim Possible will be mine!"

Señor Senior smiled. "Very good, my son. You are doing me proud!"

Junior preened, then looked to his muscle. "Henchmen," he declared, "to the mysterious soon-to-be invisible hoverjet!"

VII.

Shego sat on a couch next to the toothy, bespectacled former weatherman with a cutting wit and an insatiable desire to best his lantern-jawed competition in the late night talk show ratings.

"She's naked," he said approvingly as he watched the images on the large-screen TV before them, not because of any prurient interest but because of the potential for jokes. Two-year-olds running through a crowded lobby in nothing but their birthday suits always made for good segments. "This is great!" he exclaimed as the young Kim Possible happily wagged her butt at the camera.

Shego leaned back in her chair. She hadn't felt this satisfied with life since Drakken came down with the flu, causing them to miss not one, not two, but three consecutive Karaoke nights.

VIII.

Yori paced her cell restlessly. She had tried without success to meditate. Her workout session had been unsatisfying. The hot bath did nothing to soothe her. Even peeking into the boys' locker room for a look at Hirotaka in the buff had done nothing to divert her attention from that which disturbed her so greatly.

There was no denying the fact that Stoppable-san – _her Ron-kun!_ – had stolen the Lotus Blade. She didn't know what bothered her more: that the red-haired hussy had corrupted one so good, so pure or that her revered Sensei was so sanguine about the shocking turn of events.

Yori's infatuation with Ron had faded with time. But her idolization of him as Champion of Yamanuchi, Wielder of the Lotus Blade, Heir of Toshimiru, Chosen One, and Inventor of the Naco (well, four out of five ain't bad) had only grown stronger with time. To see such promise thrown away at the whim of a jumped-up, self-important, bossy erstwhile teen hero with a small bust who couldn't truly appreciate Ron's sensuous ears or erotic cowlick (okay, maybe Yori's infatuation hadn't completely faded) was simply unacceptable.

The young ninja stopped pacing and looked out her window at the peaked rooftops of the school and the surrounding snow-capped mountaintops. She knew she could not stay and do nothing.

She changed into her combat gi, grabbed her fighting fans, silently left her quarters, and made her way to the Yamanuchi hangar.

IX.

"Dudes, I don't know how that got here," Motor Ed protested, his hands gesticulating wildly. "Seriously! Someone must have put it here!"

Motor Ed was surrounded by a goodly number of intimidating New Jersey State Police and two sunglass-wearing agents who wore white shirts and black suits. One of the troopers was holding the _Mona Lisa_ in front of the mulleted car aficionado.

"Someone just happened to put a priceless piece of art behind the socket wrenches," one of the cops deadpanned. "You know how many times I've heard that?"

"But it's true!" Motor Ed protested. "Seriously!"

"The black velvet Elvis in the Louvre. Cheap and tacky. The M.O. screams Jersey connection," Agent Smith said. "Seriously."

"Hey, watch it," a burly trooper cautioned. "We don't need some fancy-pants out-of-towners from DC dissing our state."

"Who said we were from DC?" Agent Smith said.

"Actually, Jersey's my state, too," the other Agent Smith said evenly. "I grew up in Hackensack."

"Really?" the trooper replied. "I grew up in Hoboken!"

"Hey, bros, since we're all Jersey dudes, maybe you can let this slide?" Ed asked hopefully.

"I don't think so," Agent Smith said.

"Aw, c'mon, bro …" Ed whined.

"If you value the mullet, you'll stop calling me 'bro'," Smith said.

"Nobody threatens the lion's mane!" Motor Ed bellowed. "Seriously."

"Seriously?" the second Agent Smith asked.

"Seriously," Motor Ed said defiantly.

"Cut it off," Agent Smith said to a trooper as he and Agent Smith turned and headed to the lair's exit.

"You can't do that!" Ed cried out. "I'll, I'll report you, dude!"

"To whom?" Agent Smith asked.

"To, uh, your bosses!" Ed answered.

"You know who our bosses are?" Agent Smith asked.

"Uh … yeah! Yeah, I do … _bro_!" Ed said with false bravado, hoping to bluff his way out of the situation.

The two Agents Smith looked at Ed carefully, then exchanged nods.

"You know too much," Agent Smith said.

"We'll have to do a brain wipe," the second Agent Smith agreed.

"What!" Ed exclaimed. "Dude, you can't do that!"

"Actually, dude, we can," Agent Smith said with just an edge. "We'll replace your memories of this incident. In fact, to be safe, we'll give you a new personality. I can see you with a crew cut, wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a clip-on tie. And driving a mid-90s vintage minivan."

Motor Ed gasped. "You … you wouldn't."

"Yes we would," Agent Smith said.

"Seriously," the second Agent Smith added.

X.

The two teens were curled up on the couch in front of the giant monitor. They had just enjoyed watching the Season Finale of _Pals._

"I still can't believe they took so long to get those two together," Kim said.

"Yeah," Ron agreed as he shoveled some popcorn into his mouth. "It was obvious those two were meant for each other!"

The two teens blushed as they realized what they were saying, looked at one another hungrily, then began lip-smacking.

Kim was quickly getting lost in the Ronzone when she heard the name "Shego." Much to Ron's frustration – he actually whined, which prompted Kim to shush him – the auburn-haired girl who could do anything had given her undivided attention to the broadcast.

"… the incredibly hot nemesis of teen criminal Kim Possible will be here on _Late at Nigh_t along with the Governator of California and Jimmy Blamhammer!"

Kim responded to the promotion with a growl.

"Hey, amp down, KP," Ron said.

"Don't tell me to 'amp down,'" Kim shot back, "_Ronald …_"

_Uh oh_, Ron thought. _Either she's really tweaked or …_

"… If Shego's going to be on TV, I want to be on TV," she snapped. "I can sing. I can hit the high notes. I can do anything!" she declared before adding in a smaller voice, "So why didn't they invite me to be on?"

… _KP's doubting herself. Looks like she needs some Ronsurance. _The goofy teen gently wrapped his arm around his über-competent yet occasionally insecure BFGF. "I don't know, Kimbo," Ron said. "But if I were booking acts, I'd definitely have you on."

"You're just saying that," Kim said.

"Nuh uh," Ron replied. "You could start off with 'Say the Word,' then you could do a martial arts demonstration, then you could do a dramatic monologue and then – Ooo! Ooo! – I know, you could finish up doing a mime act!"

"I am so not going to mime," Kim said, her arms crossed. "Not even for you."

Ron began miming in response. Kim's scowl turned into a grin, then into a smile. Then she began laughing. Soon the two former teen heroes were engaged in a no-holds-barred tickle fight.

Rufus, watching his humans wrestle, smiled, then went in search of cheese.

XI.

Two incredibly advanced aircraft, the _Rising Sun_ and the _Mysterious Invisible Hoverjet,_ streaked over the oceans on their way to America. Though the pilot of one sought a tow-headed young man with large ears and the owner of the other was in pursuit of an auburn-haired martial arts trained cheerleader, both, unbeknownst to each other, shared a common destination: Middleton, Colorado.

XII.

"So, who was more of a pushover: the girly-men in the State Legislature or the French androids in _The Extirpator_?" Dave Numberman asked the former bodybuilder/film star who served as Governator (cowed lawmakers agreed to change the name of his office in the days after his landslide electoral victory two years earlier) of the most populous state in the Union.

"Oh," the politician answered in his thick Teutonic accent, "It was definitely the girly-men. Though that's like asking which has more of backbone: éclairs or Linzer torte!"

The audience, prompted by stagehands, responded with laughter to the cigar-chomping pol's scripted joke.

"Well, there you have it, folks," the talk show host said, "straight from Ahh-nee's mouth. Now, ladies and gentlemen, join me in greeting our last guest for the evening, the dangerously alluring Shego."

Signs flashed on instructing the audience to applause. The men in the crowd needed no encouragement as the glamorous henchwoman sauntered out onto the stage. She smirked, then waved at the viewers.

The Governator and Jimmy Blamhammer both scooted over to accommodate the newest guest.

"So, Shego, that's quite the outfit you've got there," Numberman said. "Did you get it at a costume shop?"

"Did you get that tie in a garbage bin?" she shot back.

Silence descended on the studio. "Okaaaay," Dave said before he gave Shego a toothy grin, "I think we've just found a worthy opponent for the Governator."

"I'd be happy to engage in close quarter combat with you," the former movie star said as he waggled his eyebrows.

Shego turned and glared at the Austrian. "I don't think so, Wiener Boy. Last time I checked you were married."

"This is AMAZING!" Blamhammer said. "You two have INCREDIBLE chemistry!"

"You know what," Shego said looking at the hyperactive mogul, "You're as whacked as Doctor D!"

"Hey, Shego, how about doing the glowing hands thing?" Numberman, seeking to regain control of the interview, asked.

Shego responded with a glower.

"C'mon. Just once," Dave wheedled. "It's really kind of cool folks," he added as he turned to the cameras.

"Fine, whatever," Shego groused as she lit up her clawed gloves.

"Give the woman a hand!" Numberman instructed his audience, which responded with applause. "I hear you've had some run-ins with teen hero-gone-bad Kim Possible."

"Yeah, me and Princess go way back," Shego responded.

"Is it true you two had something going on the side?" Dave asked.

Shego turned paler than normal. "Me and Possible? Don't make me hurl!"

XIII.

"Gorchy!" Kim said as she and Ron watched _Late at Night_. "I so don't want to even imagine that."

XIV.

"So you really don't like her?" Numberman asked.

"D'oy!" Shego said as if she were talking to a none-too-bright mollusk. "Princess is …"

"What's with the pet names if you don't like her?" Dave interjected.

"What?" a momentarily confused Shego asked.

"You just called Kim Possible 'princess'," the talk show host explained. "Some people would say that's a pet name."

Shego rolled her eyes. "Some people would put marshmallows on hotdogs."

XV.

"Hey, was that was a shot at you?" Ron asked.

Kim replied with a growl.

XVI.

"Ewwww," Numberman, the Governator, and Blamhammer said in unison at the thought of marshmallows on hotdogs.

"Here's the score," Shego said. "Kim Possible is nothing but an overrated pixie with some okay moves she learned at cheer practice. She thinks she's tough, but she's just a kid playing at being a grownup. I mean, those shirts, come on. The girl has no fashion sense."

"So 'Princess' is a put-down?" Numberman inquired.

"Well, whaddya know!" Shego said in mock surprise. "There may be something between those big ears of yours!"

"You're not very nice, are you?" Numberman observed.

"Hellooooo! I'm evil," Shego said.

"And I'm a Scorpio," the Governator joked to much groaning.

"So Shego," Numberman said, "I hear you've decided to make a documentary. Is it, well, evil?"

"Nah, just wicked," she replied.

"What's it called?" he asked.

Shego flashed a viperous smile at the camera. "_The Adventures of Miss Bubblebutt_ …"

XVII.

Ron was sure he saw steam coming out of Kim's very red ears. _That's not possible,_ he thought. _It's not like we're cartoon characters. Of course, KP is a Possible, and anything's possible –_

"Transportulator?" he asked, guessing he knew what Kim was going to want to do.

"Please and thank you," she replied, struggling to keep her temper under control.

_Late at Night_ was about to become so the drama.

_TBC …_


	8. Live From New York!

My thanks to campy, calamite, daywalkr82, CajunBear73, US.Steele, Josh84, JMAN2.0, Skyler-A-Teloiv, warprince2000, AtomicFire, Darkcloud1, spectre666, acosta perez jose Ramiro, yvj, CharmedMilliE, surforst, Uru Baen, Commander Argus, The Incredible Werekitty, Matri, Joe Stopphinghem, cpneb, Dr. J0nes, DuffKilliganFan, A Markov, Ace Ian Combat, Ezbok58a, Aero Tendo, Molloy, Bubbahotek, The Mad shoe 1, S-Chrome, mooneasterbunny, conan98002, Zaratan, mattb3671, Whisper from the Shadows, abd Phoebe Starr for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy, my indispensable wingman.

Write a review, get a reply – sooner or later.

If you saw it on _KP_, it belongs to Disney. Dave Numberman and the Governator are my creations – not that that's going to do anything for BabyDrP's college fund.

* * *

**A/N:** Some of you have asked how I have found time to write with a newborn in the house. The answer is easy: I haven't. This chapter was all-but-completed before BabyDrP arrived in early November. It may be a couple of weeks before I post again – but it will be worth the wait. Next up: Tweebs of Our Own, Chapter Three.

* * *

**RECOMMENDATION:** I urge you to read Molloy's _Kim Possible: The End_, the sequel to my story _Kim Possible: Final_. Molloy's masterful continuation of the tale is powerful, chilling, and beautifully written.

* * *

I. 

The audience in Studio 66 howled as they watched footage of a two-year-old Kim Possible sitting in the bath earning her very appropriate nickname. "I guess she really can do anything, folks!" Numberman observed as bubbles rose to the water's surface behind a proud, even smug, child.

As the talk show host and his guests were enjoying the embarrassing film of Kim Possible's early years, a phone rang off stage. One of the production crew picked up the receiver; the surprised stagehand jumped back as a blinding light filled the wings. He was stunned when he saw an almost feral former teen hero and her blond partner appear, seemingly out of nowhere.

"You find the DVDs," Kim ordered Ron. "I'm going to pay a little visit to Shego."

"Got it, KP," Ron agreed before he headed off in search of a broadcast booth.

Kim fought to bring her breathing under control. Satisfied that she had, she stalked out onto the stage.

_But Mommy, I don't wanna wear any clothes!_ a buck-naked toddler in pig-tails whined as she ran from her mother. Images from the Possibles' 1991 skip trip were visible on the several large monitors scattered throughout the studio – and on approximately 24.3 million TV screens. Within minutes, the clip was circulating on the Internet.

"Pretty fast little kid, wasn't she?" Numberman said to Shego.

"Yeah, I guess she was," the green-hued villainess agreed. "Too bad she's been packing on the pounds recently. With the extra weight she's been carrying around her hips and butt, I don't think Possible could maintain that speed even if she tried."

Shego was surprised that her comment received no reaction. She didn't notice that everyone's attention had turned to the new arrival on stage.

"Pot calling the kettle black why?" Kim asked snarkily. "I know I'm not the one who wears a size 14 jumpsuit and still needs a shoehorn to squeeze herself into it every morning."

Shego's head whipped around. "Princess," she snarled.

"Dancing Queen," Kim riposted.

Shego's almond-shaped eyes flew wide open. "You're really asking for it, aren't you?"

Kim, who was wearing a modified mission top (classic black crop without sleeves) and cargoes (converted into shorts of which her BFBF most definitely approved), along with her familiar black gloves and a pair of heavy combat boots, rested one hand on her thrust-out hip and beckoned her foe with the other. "Bring," she said with a cocky grin.

II.

"I'm sorry, sir, you can't go in there," a beefy man with sunglasses said as he blocked Ron's path.

"And I'm sorry, dude, but you'd better get out of my way, otherwise I'll have to make you," Ron replied.

The security man laughed. "You? I don't think so …"

Ron responded with a lightning-fast attack. Within three point six seven seconds he had his knees planted in the small of the man's back. "Champ, I know you're just trying to do your job. But dissing a guy who's got mystical monkey power is not a smart thing to do. And just so you don't forget that, I'm gonna leave you a little reminder."

Let's just say that when Ron was done it was in the man's interest not to speak if he wanted to maintain his tough-guy mystique.

Satisfied that he'd made his point, Ron then entered the booth.

Two laughing technicians turned and saw an unfamiliar teen wearing a black, sleeveless t-shirt; gray cargoes; rather serious-looking combat boots; and a black bandana tied around his forehead.

"Hey dudes, what's so funny?" Ron asked in a relaxed voice.

"Uh, this video …" one of them said, just a bit nervously. Neither was sure what to make of their visitor.

"Really? I'm all about funny video," Ron observed. "What's it about?"

"Kim Possible," the first man said. "We've got these hilarious …"

"Uh, Frank," the second man said nervously as he recognized their visitor, "I think that's the kid who usually hangs out with her …"

"Oh snap," Frank said as Ron, wearing a serious face, advanced on them.

A few moments later the video feed was cut, the DVDs were destroyed, and the security guard had two new companions in the alto section.

III.

Yori had begun scanning all channels, whether civilian or military, when she approached the California coastline. Even though she was flying a stealth aircraft, the young ninja knew there was always the possibility she might be detected. She wasn't going to be deterred from her goal because of carelessness. As she approached Colorado, she heard what sounded like an exchange between Shego and Kim. Locating its source, Yori plotted a new course and headed for New York City.

IV.

The _Mysterious Black Hoverjet_ was fast, but not as fast as the _Rising Sun_. As Yori rocketed across the North American continent, Junior and his paid peeps were still flying over the Atlantic.

"I am bored," he said from the co-pilot's chair. "Perhaps there is something entertaining to watch on television." The young dauphin turned on the monitor. "Hmm. So many channels," he observed. "I wonder what I should watch."

The pilot inclined his head. "_Commando Network_ has a bass fishing contest at 11:30."

"No, I do not like fish. They are so … fishy," Junior said with a frown. Then his face brightened. "I know! I shall watch a late night talk show. It will be good practice for when I am an international teen pop sensation and I have to do interviews!"

Junior flipped through the channels until he found the _Late at Night Show_.

He was stunned as she saw Kim and Shego, clearly readying to face off.

"My Blue Fox!" Junior wailed. "We must go to her assistance. To New York!"

V.

David Numberman looked to the wings of the stage and saw his producer was shrugging. It was clear that the man had no idea as to why the video of Kim had stopped playing. The gap-toothed talk show host smiled at his audience. More than two decades in his job and a decision the previous year to switch to a live format told him to work with what he had.

"So, folks, it looks like we have a special guest tonight: Kim Possible. Let's give her a big round of applause!"

The audience responded enthusiastically.

"Isn't she lovely?" Numberman asked.

"She sure is, dude," Ron said as he walked on stage. "But I think you might want to make yourself scarce. KP does not like being the butt of jokes and when she's done with Shego, she's probably going to want to have a few words with you."

"Well, I'm sure we can fit in a brief interview …" Numberman offered.

"Did you know she knows sixteen kinds of kung fu?" Ron asked casually.

"What?" Numberman replied, taken aback.

"Oh yeah, KP's got the mad skillz!" Ron said brightly.

"Wait a minute," Numberman said. "You aren't suggesting …"

"Dave, Dave, Dave," Ron said as he leaned on the talk show host's desk. "I think you should go."

"But I can't leave," Numberman blurted out, "I'm the host!"

"Don't worry about a thing," the blond-haired teen said with a broad smile. "The Ron's already done this …"

VI.

Kim dropped into a defensive crouch as Shego lunged at her. The redheaded anti-hero easily dodged her foe's attack. Shego rolled, sprang to her feet and turned.

"Time for a little dancing, Princess!" Shego said as she hurled green energy bolts at Kim.

Kim responded by doing a triple back flip.

"That's IMPOSSIBLE!" Jimmy Blamhammer exclaimed.

"It's possible, dude, believe it," Ron, now seated behind the talk show host's desk, said. "So, what's the deal on _Total Mayhem II_? I heard that Tom Speed has been getting a little freaky on you."

"He's NUTS!" Blamhammer declared. "Certifiably BONKERS! One day he's a box office phe-nom, the next he wants to start his own religion. He's just like Quinn, but without the emotional awareness."

"Uh, yeeaaaah," Ron replied skeptically.

VII.

"You thought sharing your play list was bad?" Kim snapped as she ducked and evaded one of Shego's glowing clawed gloves. "You are so going to regret those videos."

"Yeah, right … Bubblebutt," Shego said as she jumped up to avoid an elegantly executed leg sweep. "You think you're hot stuff just because you jacked some stuffed animal …"

Shego's eyes opened wide as Kim drove her fist into the villainness' solar plexus.

"Ooof."

Kim then delivered a powerful uppercut to Shego's jaw. The green-hued woman staggered backwards.

"You were saying?" Kim asked as she pressed her attack.

VIII.

"She's good," the Governator observed as he chomped on his unlit cigar.

"Dude, she's not good. She's the best. She can do anything!" Ron said proudly as he watched his BFGF beat down Shego.

IX.

Shego thought she knew Kim Possible's fighting style as well as her own. She'd never imagined the cheerleader could fight so dirty. The dope slap had seemed so out of character. And the hair pulling. Kim had never been one to pull hair. But the most frightening moment in the fight was when Kim made for the pouch on the leg of her jumpsuit.

There was no way Shego going to let Kim open the flap.

X.

"So, Arnie," Ron asked. "What are you going to do next?"

"I thought I'd run for President," the actor-politician replied.

"I may have scored yet another Gentleman's C in civics," Ron said, "But I'm pretty sure Mr. B told us you had to be born in America to do that."

"Well, perhaps I can play the President in a movie," he suggested.

"YES!" Blamhammer enthused. "The Presidentinator! I can see it now: Hail This, Chief!"

XI.

The audience cheered wildly as Shego put Kim into a headlock. "You want to play dirty, Pumpkin, I can do that," the green-hued supervillainess snarled as she gave the auburn-haired teen a vicious noogie.

"Ouch! That hurts!" Kim yelped before she added, "You are so busted."

Kim bent her knees and flipped Shego over her head. "Gee, Ron was right," Kim said admiringly as she pounced on Shego. "Watching the GWA wasn't a complete waste of time."

The two women grappled on the center of the stage, rolling over and over as each tried to gain an advantage.

Ron, sitting behind the desk, noticed a red light flash on.

"Hey, Kimbo," he yelled.

"Kinda busy, Ron," she snapped back as she continued her close-quarters combat with Shego.

"Yeah, me and the guys, we can see that. Look, we gotta go to a commercial, you two want to take a break?"

"Is he for real?" Shego asked as she raised a glowing fist over Kim's face.

"He can get caught up in the moment," Kim answered, as she grabbed onto her opponent's wrist and twisted.

"Well, call me impatient, but I want to finish cleaning up the floor with you, Princess!" Shego replied as her glow power was just inches from Kim's nose.

"So not going to happen, Shego," Kim snarled as she brought up her knee.

"Ooooo," the glamourous henchwoman moaned as she fell over.

Kim, smirking, rose to her feet and took a bow before the applauding audience. Then she turned to Ron, "Okay, Bad Boy, go to the commercial."

XII.

"What do you mean it's a live commercial?" Ron said to the trembling producer.

"Uh, well, this is when Dave would pitch a product," the man said.

"Fine," Ron groused. "What is it?"

The man handed Ron a card. Ron read the text and his eyes lit up. "Oooo. I'm all about this!"

"Hi, I'm Ron Stoppable," the tow-headed sidekick said as he looked into the camera. "World-famous sidekick and boyfriend of the incredibly hot Kim Possible. And these are my peeps, Arnie and Jimmy …"

The politician and the producer, not wanting to be the next objects of Kim or Ron's wrath, nodded with enthusiasm.

"… And when we want snackage, we know there's nothing tastier than Pop Pop Porter's Mini Corn Dogs. There's Original, Ragin' Cajun, and Rufus' favorite …"

"Cheese!" the naked mole rat squealed as he hopped onto the desk in front of Ron.

"That's right, Little Buddy, Easy Cheezy! So don't just sit there – walk, no run, to your local Smarty Mart or Foody Faire and stock up today. Otherwise, I may have to send Kimbo after you."

Moments after the cameraman panned to a rather dangerous-looking Kim, tens of thousands of viewers abandoned the comfort of their homes to race off to their local all-night supermarkets to buy corn dogs.

"You know, you two kids are NATURALS!" Jimmy enthused.

"Well, we do what we can," Ron said, unable not to preen.

"No, Jimmy is right," the Governator observed. "You and Kim ought to be in movies."

"Well, we tried that," Ron offered. "Jimmy here …"

"No, not be portrayed in the movies. You two could be STARS!" Jimmy shot back, his vision of casting Kim and Ron in a film growing sharper with every passing second.

"Ya think?" Ron said, intrigued by the idea. "Hey, Kim," he called out. "C'mon over here."

Kim sashayed over to her BFBF and dropped onto his lap. "What's the sitch?" she asked.

"Jimmy wants to make us movie stars!" Ron said enthusiastically.

"You're kidding," she said flatly.

"No, I'm not. You two will be FANTASTIC!" Blamhammer said as he waved his arms. "Why, I even have your next romantic interests in mind."

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Ron asked.

"Well, if you're going to be stars, you're going to cheat on each other. You know, have a vicious break up, you'll –"

"So not going to happen," Kim said, her arms folded across her chest.

"You mean you two actually want to stay together?" Jimmy asked incredulously.

"Well, duh," Ron said.

"WOW! Talk about taking a walk on the wild side," the producer said, shaking his head. "You kids are freaking me out. But I think we can work with that. It'll make you seem that much more exotic –"

Blamhammer was cut off when an explosion rocked the studio.

XIII.

After the dust cleared, here's where the players could be found:

Kim was sitting on Ron's lap.

To Ron's right were Jimmy Blamhammer and The Governator.

Lying on the center of the stage, still moaning in pain, was Shego.

To Ron's left was Junior, accompanied by his Rent-a-friends.

Three stories up were gleeful network executives who sent out word that the extended broadcast of _Late at Night With Its Fierce New Host Ron Stoppable_ would preempt regularly scheduled programming.

Three thousand miles away in Burbank, a lantern-jawed talk show host was raging at his production people, wanting to know why nobody had thought to book any villains on his program.

At Global Justice headquarters, Will Du, who had seen enough, was reaching for the telephone.

XIV.

Junior ran across the stage. "My Blue Fox! Oh, and Jimmy Blamhammer. I am most sorry that I threatened your PDA and would still very much like to be in one of your pictures!"

"FOR-get it," Blamhammer spat out, "you no-talent poseur!"

"Oooh," Junior wailed. "This business that we call show is still so cruel! At least," he said looking at Kim, "I will be able to find comfort in your arms."

"Junior, what are you talking about?" a perplexed Kim wondered.

"You are my Blue Fox and I am your Yellow Trout," he said. "We are meant to be together!"

"Junior, Animology is so last season," Kim retorted.

"Besides, dude, Blue Fox here has traded up to Pink Sloth," Ron said as he possessively wrapped his arm around Kim's waist.

"You think you are special, Mr. I-Have-My-Own-Late-Night-Show," Junior said disdainfully. "You are not. Your clothes still do not harmonize and you still have messy hair."

Kim growled. "Stop dissing the BF, Pretty Boy."

Junior's eyes lit up. "Pretty Boy! My Blue Fox thinks I am handsome! Come, join me, Kim Possible, and we will make lots of Evil Babies together!"

XV.

Wade was surprised when the incoming-message light flashed on the Team Possible monitor. He hadn't received any calls since Kim and Ron had gone bad.

"Mr. Load," an all-too-serious-looking young man in a GJ uniform said, "forgive me for disturbing you, but I am in urgent need of your assistance."

XVI.

"Babies? Don't think I can't make a space capsule big enough to accommodate you, Mister!" James T. Possible yelled at the large-screen TV.

"Dear, calm down," his wife urged. "I don't think that's going to be a problem. Kim may have decided to abandon any semblance of morality, but it's pretty clear she still likes Ron."

James Possible's eyes grew wide as he saw how his daughter was playing with her boyfriend's ear.

XVII.

"You are sure this will work?" Will Du asked.

"Yeah, I am," Wade said as he sipped at his ever-present Slurpster. "It's all based on the original."

"Very well, then," Will said. "Wish me luck. Hopefully, Rogue Team Possible will soon be a part of the past."

Wade watched the image disappear. While he'd enjoyed taking his mother's advice about meeting girls – he'd spent time on a tech savvy teen chat room earlier in the day and had struck up a number of interesting conversations, including an especially enjoyable one with 'MontanaCowgirl' – he missed his work with Kim and Ron. Wade could only hope that Will's plan would succeed.

XVIII.

"Is he really that dense or is he just acting?" Blamhammer asked. "Because if he's acting, he's actually pretty good."

"Sorry, what you see is what you get," Kim said before turning back to the young heir. "Junior, I am so not making babies with you. Not Now. Not Ever. The only person I'm interested in making babies with is Ron!"

The last time Ron's jaw dropped so far Kim had been wearing a little black dress.

Kim, realizing what she had just said, turned beet red.

James Possible, still watching at home had only one thing to say …

XIX.

"RONALD!"

XX.

Ron's mental meltdown – Kim, his Kim, had actually thought of doing THAT with HIM – was interrupted by the arrival of Yori. The audience oohed-and-aahed as the sensuous, lithe ninja dropped onto the stage from the wings above.

"Yori!" a stunned Ron exclaimed.

"Ron-kun," she said with urgency. "I am here to rescue you!"

"Rescue me?" he asked. "From who? Shego's not going anywhere …"

The green-hued villainess still lay prostrate on the studio floor.

"… And these guys are my peeps," he added as he looked at the producer and the pol.

"Why, I am here to save you from her," Yori said pointing at Kim with evident distaste. "It is clear that Possible-san has led you astray. I am here to lead you back to the path of the Warrior Hero."

Kim snorted. "Go find your own Warrior Hero; this one's taken," she said.

"Only because he does not know better," Yori shot back. "Ron-kun is in need of someone who knows and understands his potential to lead him."

"Someone like you?" Kim asked acidly.

"But of course," Yori answered with satisfaction.

"New flash, Yori," Kim hissed as she wrapped a possessive arm around her BF. "Ron doesn't need to be led anywhere by you."

"Forgive me, Possible-san. You are correct," Yori replied icily. "I would only take Stoppable-san to places where he can achieve glory and do great feats that will cause people to sing his praises for a thousand years, while you will ensure that he can provide a distraction for you while you satisfy your ego."

"You are so asking for it," Kim growled.

"The words of a bully, Possible-san," Yori said. "Are you willing to back them up?"

Kim vaulted over the desk and assumed a fighting stance. "C'mon, Ninja Girl. I'm ready for you."

"Good," Yori said as she bowed. "It will be my honor to defeat you … Bubblebutt-san."

XXI.

Had Shego not found herself brawling with – and then losing to – Kim Possible, she would have shared this Top Ten List with the _Late at Night_ audience. Given the smackdown she'd just received from Kim, it was probably a good thing she didn't.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Kim Possible

10. "I can do anything." Puh-leeze. She is sooo full of herself.

9. She just had to tell Steve Barkin I was a supervillain …

8. She picks her nose when she thinks nobody else is looking and has the gall to leave her boogers in other people's lairs. Gross!

7. She actually made me watch Hego eat a sandwich! Even grosser!

6. She has a better singing voice than me. AAAARGGHHHH!

5. Do you know what kind of split ends I had to deal with after she kicked me into that tower?

4. She's a perky, bouncy cheerleader. I _hate_ cheerleaders.

3. She has pointy you-know-whats and they're freaking me out!

2. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't find myself saying 'moopy'.

And the number one reason I hate Kim Possible:

1. She still hasn't gone splat.

XXII.

The two female martial artists eyed one another warily. Carefully, gracefully, they slowly circled one another, twin lethal forces ready to strike.

"Do not think I will go down as easily as Shego-san," Yori said as she rapidly flicked her fans. The movement was meant to distract Kim. But while the former cheerleader may not have been a trained ninja, she'd been around enough of them in recent years to know what Yori was up to. Much to the Japanese teen's surprise, Kim responded by doing a double back flip. The moment she landed, she whipped out her grappler dryer and fired it towards the ceiling. The audience watched as the hook secured itself and then retracted the line, pulling Kim up.

"She is not running away, is she?" the Governator, sounding disappointed, asked Ron.

Ron glared at the bodybuilder-turned-politician. "Dude, KP doesn't run away from anything … though she has been known to find excuses to avoid eating her mom's brain lobe meatloaf."

Junior turned white. "Surely you are not serious? Kim Possible does not eat human brains?"

Ron smirked at his girlfriend's would be suitor. "Junior," he said, "that is sick and wrong. KP eat human brains. Wrong-sick."

"Whew," Junior replied.

"They're monkey brains!" Ron said.

Junior, turning green, bolted from the set in search of a mens' room. It was clear the _foie gras_ he'd eaten on the flight to New York would be staying in the Big Apple.

"You were pulling his leg, weren't you?" Blamhammer observed.

"Hey, Junior's leg is eminently pullable," Ron said. "As for Kimbo, Arnie, I think my badical girlfriend was actually paying attention to that GWA Smackdownpalooza we watched last month."

Kim let go of the dryer and dropped to the floor of the set, landing on top of a startled Yori. A moment later, the raven-haired ninja yelped.

"I learned that move from Ron-kun at the Nakasumi Toy Parade," Kim said smugly before adding in a menacing whisper, "Hands off the BF, Yori. Next time I won't play nice."

Kim, satisfied with her handiwork, walked up to Shego. She knelt by her prostrate foe's side and grabbed her by the jumpsuit.

"How'd you get that DVD?" Kim demanded. "If you hurt Mom and Dad …"

Shego laughed. "Hurt them? Princess, they gave me that stuff."

"You are so lying," Kim said.

"Sorry, Kimmie, but your folks were willing to do anything to undermine your new bad girl rep." Shego reached up and gingerly rubbed the side of her head. "Looks like that idea didn't work out."

Kim, infuriated, dropped Shego, and stared at the camera. Her scowl quickly morphed into something sunny and friendly.

"Mom, Dad, thanks for sharing that DVD with Shego. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be on TV and Jimmy Blamhammer wouldn't have offered Ron and me a movie deal. I'm so looking forward to being … a show person!"

XXIII.

James T. Possible began hyperventilating.

XXIV.

Kim turned from the camera and headed back to Ron, Jimmy Blamhammer, and the Governator. "Well, I think that's a wrap," she said.

"So, you ready to go home, Kim?"

"So ready," she said. "I'm bushed."

"I'll have my people contact your people about the movie," Blamhammer said as everyone got to their feet. "By the way, who are your people?

Rufus, wearing sunglasses and a tiny designer suit, popped out of Ron's pocket.

"AMAZING!" Blamhammer said, "You're the second shortest agent I've ever met!"

XXV.

"Kim! Look out!" Ron cried.

Yori had been true to her word. She wasn't going to go down as easily as Shego. She had quickly mastered the anger and frustration of the humiliation she'd been dealt by Kim. While the wedgie had been bad enough, allowing the erstwhile teen hero to get the drop on her using one of the most popular GWA moves made Yori feel like a chump.

And Yori did not enjoy having the honor of feeling that way.

She slowly rose to her feet and charged Kim, barreling into her foe like an NFL safety with a grudge. Kim went down with a thud.

"You don't know when to give up, do you?" Kim grunted as she struggled to break free of her attacker.

"You will pay for what you have done, Bubblebutt-san!" Yori hissed.

"Will you stop calling me that!" Kim snapped.

The two highly trained warriors were now engaged in a full-scale, no-holds-barred catfight, pulling each other's hair, trying to scratch each other's faces.

Ron was about to intervene when smoke bombs exploded.

XXVI.

"Everybody stop where they are!" Will Du barked.

Kim and Yori ignored the Global Justice agent.

"Fine, we'll do this the hard way," he muttered as he unholstered his weapon.

Just as Will was taking aim at Kim, Junior came running in. "Ron Stoppable gets a TV show and my Blue Fox even though I have better clothes and hair," he cried out. "This is not fair!"

Caught up in himself (so what's new?), the gray matter-deficient young man jostled Du.

"Watch where you are going, you oaf," the agent snapped.

"Hmm," Junior said with appreciative eye. "Those are very nice clothes. They coordinate very well."

"Thank you," Will said before he turned back to Kim.

He took aim.

He fired.

And he scored a direct hit.

Kim's eyes flew open before she collapsed.

"KP!" Ron cried out, helping Will locate his next target. Moments later, Ron, too, crumpled to the floor.

XXVII.

"Ooh, where am I," Kim moaned.

"Man, that hurt," Ron whined.

"Hoo boy," Rufus said.

The two teens looked at one another with surprise.

"KP, you're …"

"Ron, you're …"

"… Red!"

"… Blue!"

Will Du was as surprised as his targets. Then he looked at his Attitudinator Ray Gun. Much to his chagrin, the setting had been switched from 'Good' to 'Evil'. "My bad," he mumbled, seriously regretting that the weapon had just two charges, both of which had now been expended.

Ron rose to his feet and extended a hand to his girlfriend. "KP, you are red hot!"

"You think so, Bad Boy?" she said as she wrapped her arms around her BF's neck.

"I know so," he said with a lascivious grin.

Kim responded by planting a hungry kiss on Ron. "So, you ready to graduate to the big leagues?"

"Ah-boo-yah!" Ron replied.

"Spankin'," Kim said.

Holding her blue-skinned BF's hand, she leaned against the talk show host's desk and smirked.

"Hi, I'm Kimila and this is Zorpox," she announced as she began to play with Ron's ear. "We're taking over the world."

"You can't be serious," Will said, only to be tackled to the floor by Zorpox, né Ron.

"Dude, we're serious," the blue-skinned teen said cheerily. "And Yori," he added looking in the stunned ninja's direction. "Give it up. I'm really not interested in being your Warrior Baggage Handler."

"But Ron-kun …" she said plaintively.

"That's Zorpox-sama to you," he interjected. "You see, Kimila here may not have always been the perfect friend, but she was always my best friend. She always stuck by me and when she finally gave me a chance to be her BF, it was imperfect me, not some ninja ideal that she wanted to be with."

"Zorpox, you are so sweet," Kimila said warmly before staring back into the camera. "Here's the sitch, world," she said authoritatively. "We can do this the easy way or we can go old school on you. Surrender, or it'll be so the drama."

"Right, like you have it in you, Princess," Shego said before learning she'd underestimated Kim's ruthlessness.

"Surrender. Pweeze?" Kim said as she puppy dog pouted into the camera.

XVIII.

James and Ann Possible may have been able to resist the PDP, but nobody else could.

As fate would have it, the President of the United States, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Secretary General of the United Nations, many other world leaders, and an assortment of movers and shakers were all watching _Late at Night_. As a result, Kimila and Zorpox were fitting the Oval Office for new curtains the next morning.

After settling into the White House, the two teen conquerors struck swiftly and without mercy.

James T. Possible was forced to live with show folk.

Mrs. Stoppable found herself sharing her home with the garden gnome, Cousin Shawn, and an iguana with a very bad attitude.

Steve Barkin was reassigned to a Montessori School.

Bonnie was forced to wear Smarty Mart clothes. In public.

The list went on and on.

But the most heartless punishment meted out by Kimila and Zorpox was reserved for Shego, who was forced to reveal, on a live global television broadcast, the contents of her leg pouch.

The glamorous henchwoman never recovered from the embarrassment …

_The End._


End file.
